Tommy Takes On

Ok, here is a little brag for you for today: Tommy, my husband, recently decided to pic up the camera for a little spin. Turns out, he is quite talented!

*For more check out his 365 Project.

Father and Son

Last Friday night, T took D to his very first baseball game. They completed number 11 on the 2011 list and saw the Atlanta Braves play at Turner Field. I think T was more excited than D when they left to go to the park but it was definitely the other way around when they came back. I was worried that D would get horribly bored and they would have to leave early but they stayed for the whole game plus the fireworks!



D has been talking about it since they got back home and he is so excited to start trying to play baseball in the yard. Every time we pass any thing baseball or Braves related in a store he always notices and says " I'm gonna play baseball!"

Loss

Last week, Tommy lost a friend. Not ever a good situation but in this case, it was the worst. T was bathing the boys on Tuesday night after a nice, relaxing family night, when the call came in from his parents. His best friend's brother had committed suicide. He was only 25.

Tommy is understandably shaken. He had known him for many, many years and had always enjoyed his personality. An awesome mix of humor and kindness you don't just see a lot. He was so loved by his family and friends. A man with an infectious laugh that loved to be surrounded by his friends. Tommy knew that he had problems in the past but you never expect someone to carry that with them. All that pain and self hate. Tommy has never been this close to someone that felt the only way out was to take their own life.

I have been here before. Grieving painfully over the loss of a friend that couldn't take it anymore. Its a demon that haunts me. I didn't know this man all that well but I still feel the pain. Its so hard to lose someone that you loved when they no longer saw the joy. Its so hard to understand.  

"How they could do this to me."

It leaves a wave of pain and questions that will never have answers. Still, still there is the love. The love for the one that left and love for the ones left behind. The love of friends that will do anything to try and make the pain stop for those closest. The love of the closest for the one who made them cry. The love from strangers and distance. The love that restores faith in people. That makes the pain just a little easier to struggle through.

I have seen so much of that love this week. From the small things to the big. I am glad we were able to be there for T, for his family and his friends. From long, hard hugs to hosting 150 people at our house for lunch after the funeral. I hope it restored a little of that hole left by the loss of a friend. If you are able, please keep the Manon family in your thoughts and prayers. Their pain is immeasurable and every little bit helps.




*Suicide is never the answer. No matter how bad things are, no matter how much you hurt, no matter what happens there is always help. Please, call a friend or go to the ER. There are multiple outreach programs that can help as well. Life IS good and someone loves you more than you can even imagine.

Thankful 2.0

T. He works so hard, so we can have whatever we want or need. I am blessed to be able to stay home with my boys and I know it.

My D. He is my little man. He keeps me on my toes and keeps me moving, but he also keeps me smiling. Mr. Chill for the most part except goodbyes. He hates goodbye. D loves with his whole being.  He never forgets a face or a friend. He sees no enemy, no danger. So brave, almost to a fault, he has never been afraid to climb to the highest point in a room and jump from it. He loves for you to wrestle with him but he is cool with chillin' on the couch all the same, as long as you are close. He is his little brother's hero. He has been so completely amazing with K I don't even have the words to express. It makes me all misty just thinking about it. He is just an amazing little boy and I am so thankful for everything he has given me in life.

My K. My little snuggle monster. He brings a whole different dimension and view on life to our little family. He loves to be held and snuggled. Not a baby on the move like D was, he is content to sit in your lap and snuggle into your chest for long periods. Happy go lucky until he isn't anymore and then out comes Mr. Hulk baby. He is energetic and very much the entertainer. He loves to sing and dance. He loves to be laughed at. He is much more conversational than D was. Almost more than is. My little chatterbox from the very first day. My squeakers. His personality is sharp and vibrant. He is a go big or go home type of kid. From screaming to falling to kissing and singing. Like I said before, he idolizes his brother. If his brother has it, he needs it too. If D does it, he has to try. Thank goodness he is more cautious than D though or he would end up in some hairy situations. K is dynamic. He is my little monkey and I am so thankful that he loves me as much as I love him.

My health. I am very lucky to be around considering the heart problems and general lifestyle I have lived. Now, My body is back on track and I don't (usually) have to worry about tachycardia or blood pressure. I almost never get sick. Of course when I do, its a doozy but for the most part, I am very lucky.

Coffee. The elixir of life here recently. I would be one cranky, tired Mama without it. Its probably bad to be thankful for something so small but thankful I am.

For my friends, my saving grace (you know who you are)! In real life and online, I really do have the best friends a girl could ask for. I seriously don't know how I would make it without them. They keep me sane, listen to my ramblings and keep me in place. They make me have fun, even when I don't feel like it. They keep me grounded and I am so thankful for their grace.

For a home, clothing and food. For all the good things and bad. There just isn't enough thanks!

I hope all of you have a very Happy Thanksgiving. What are you looking forward to the most?

Imperfect

Before T and I started dating many moons ago, we worked together as servers in a tacky steakhouse. You know, the kind where you throw the peanuts on the floor? When ever we worked together, he would make me a paper rose out of the little beverage napkins laying around. Usually just a single rose and would hand it to me or stick it in my apron as I walked past. It was corny but a sweet gesture on busy nights and something I got used to.

Then he quit. He moved on to work for another restaurant and I barely ever saw him. Occasionally he would come in to visit all of us and every time I was there, a single paper rose. If he forgot, I would tease him about it and it would be sitting there waiting the next time I walked by.

Then I quit. Moved on to other ventures and never looked back. I thought about him every once in a while, wondering what ever became of him and his paper roses. The few times I went into the restaurant he had quit the tacky steakhouse to work for, he was never there. Eventually I just gave up. Like you do when you figure you will never see someone again.

Then we did. We ran into each other a year or so later and it was instant sparks. We were engaged within 6 weeks and married in a year.

That was a little over six years ago and there have been many paper flowers along the way. Birthdays, babies births, date nights. Fewer and fewer through the years. They have almost stopped. We have been busy with lifes ups and downs and those paper flowers have taken the back burner.

Until this week. One night, Tommy brought home a bouquet of paper roses. White and papery in a plastic kid's cup. They were all perfectly formed and arranged in their "vase" when came through the door and thrust them at me with out pomp. I smiled and gave him a hug. Thanked him, put them on my nightstand and then went on about bathing the boys.

After the boys got out of the bath, T was getting them into their pajamas while I caught up on some email when K carried the bouquet of white paper roses in to me and dumped them in the floor. Crumpling a couple as he stepped on them to crawl up into my lap. T picked them up and rearranged them back in their cup and placed them back on the nightstand, where they belonged.

The next morning I woke up and rolled over face to face with the paper roses. Mostly perfect and beautiful with a few crumpled and stomped on mixed in. I was struck with how much that bouquet of paper roses represented our relationship. Not just the memories associated with the paper roses and their significance but also the imperfect bits.

Our marriage has been filled with beautiful, pristine paper roses. Two gorgeous little boys, good times, lots of laughs and fun. Working together to make our lives better and our marriage stronger.

Lately though we have seen our share of imperfect, crumpled roses. Thrown down in emotion and stomped almost flat.

Its the mix of those things. The beautiful roses and the ugly roses that make us work. That make us, us.  The fragility in the balance that makes me wonder sometimes though. The ability to look past the downtrodden rose and see the pristine ones shining through is solely on my part. I want this to work. To make those perfect roses appear more often than the damaged ones is the goal. Not something that I claim to be easy, hence the mix.

I guess the thing I came to realize more than anything is that sometimes you have to work harder at keeping the roses intact. Sometimes it doesn't work. The roses can be made easily and readily but keeping them beautiful can require some work. Unattended roses, when paper or in the mind, can become sad and warped. Imperfect.

So here is to striving for a mix. Not perfection. Not imperfection. A mix. Crumpled paper roses to make the perfect ones stay perfect.

Mommy Needs Coffee

Ever have one of those weeks where you feel like you are running in circles? Where you are doing the same set of five things over and over? I woke up this morning thinking that was me this week and then I realized it was only Tuesday. Damn.

It has already begun. The Christmas crazies are out in full force. The road by the mall was packed and overflowing this weekend and it will only get worse from here on out. Soon people will be crowding the stores and getting ugly with the store clerks and each other. As prices fall, the looneys come out.

I meant to be mostly done with shopping by now. That didn't happen. I am mostly done buying for the boys though. That is the crazy part. People get really nasty with each other over kids toys this time of year. I wonder why that is. Like little Lanie will be happier about her Barbie if mommy goes to jail for it.

The pre Thanksgiving sales have been pretty damned good this year too and that has helped. I have to admit that I am one of those people that generally tries to get things on sale but if its not and I want to get it for my kid, I don't care how much it costs. So far though, I have saved over 80 bucks. Not bad, right? Been using Target's price matching policy against them. Turns out they will honor the Toys R Us holiday toy book prices and then take the Target toy book coupons on top of that. You didn't hear that here though. Or maybe you did. And?

I got up this morning to a messy house for the second day in a row too. I hate that. I have been so good about keeping things picked up since we moved. Here is the thing though, I get tired of picking up after Tommy. I don't mind picking up after the boys and myself. We are here all the time and make the majority of the m mess. However, T's mess just makes me bitter. Its not really even that he is messy but he leaves stuff sitting around and doesn't take the trash out even after I have asked him a million times in two days. Something we need to work on.

So, I have been running and shopping on top of all the regular fun of being a mommy and keeping house and all that jazz. So, needless to say, Coffee has been my best friend come morning time lately. Sometimes afternoon time too. Its funny to me (and my mother) because I didn't used to be a coffee drinker at all. Maybe a couple of cups a year. Then came Starbucks and I got used to it. Then I got pregnant and was breastfeeding. Then I got pregnant again and was breastfeeding. I didn't drink anything but decaf for almost three years but it has slowly gotten more and more necessary for me to have coffe in the mornings. I supposed that is why its so bad for you. Addictions of any kind are bad. At least I am not craving Heroin or something though.

So, if you can't tell by my rambling this morning, things are just a little scrambled this week. Or at least this morning. Coffee is my crutch. What is yours? 

Music Monday- Guest Post!

 Music is a huge part of Tommy and I's relationship. Its something we bonded over in the beginning and still connect with now.  I will be posting the lyrics to a song and what it means to me every Monday (hopefully). At least until I run out of interesting things to say (Or I forget). Make sense? Feel free to do your own but please link back to me and add your site to the comments below!


*This week's post was written by none other than the one that knows me best, my husband Tommy. He is normally a silly person but maybe not so much today. He has a blog but... well, he han't updated it in forever so I won't bother sending you there. If you want to see more of silly side, you can find him on Twitter as @DanishDaddy. Enjoy!*

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I'm Not Who I Was By Brandon Heath





I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was


I used to be mad at you
A little on the hurt side too
But I'm not who I was


I found my way around
To forgiving you some time ago
But I never got to tell you so


I found us in a photograph
I saw me and I had to laugh
You know, I'm not who I was


You were there, you were right above me
And I wonder if you ever loved me
Just for who I was


When the pain came back again
Like a bitter friend it was all that I could do
To keep myself from blaming you


I reckon it's a funny thing
I figured out I can sing
Now I'm not who I was


I write about love and such
Maybe 'cause I want it so much
I'm not who I was


I was thinking maybe I
I should let you know that I am not the same
But I never did forget your name, hello


Well the thing I find most amazing
In amazing grace is the chance to give it out
Maybe that's what love is all about


I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I'm not who I was




When Amy asked me to type out her Music Monday, I was so excited. Anyone who knows me at all knows that music plays a huge part in my life. All kinds of songs poured through my head. Rock... Techno.... Comedy... but something just kept pulling me to this song.


I am so proud of my wife, she is a truly amazing and understanding person. She does such a wonderful job raising my little boys to be men. My boys and her are my life. This song moves me to try to change for the better. To become a better person. It's that, and it also makes me feel like it is playing to my brother Henrik. It just tells me that no matter where you are in life, there is always someone there who will help you make it through.


Sorry for making this post so serious. If Amy lets me guest post again. I promise it will be funny. I also wanted to thank every single one of you for being there through our stories.

Intro to T and Our Story

*I have to lump these two together. Its the only way I can think of them making sense.*

Tommy is my dear husband. I have posted about him before and idiosyncrasies but really, he is pretty awesome. Great father, great husband. First, some background. He was born in Herning, Denmark in 1981 to a single mom of two other boys. A beautiful mistake. For the first eight years of his life, he lived with his mother and brothers there in Denmark. His oldest brother, Henrik, had suffered a tragic accident at three years of age which resulted in brain damage and trauma induced epilepsy. So that was a big part of T's childhood. His second older brother, Glenn, and him were very close.

In 1989, his mother married an American National Guardsman in Denmark and they moved to the United States shortly after. Only Glenn and T came with them. Henrik had to stay in Denmark because of his special needs and medicines. T's new step father had a son also. James is twelve days older than T so needless to say there was lots of competition and rivalry there. Things were fairly tense around the house because of the adjustment and language barrier. T and Glenn spoke no English. Glenn ended up moving home to Denmark three years after they had moved to the U.S.. It was and still is very hard on T. Henrik was able to come and visit just about every year, some times twice a year until he passed away in May of 2009. Henrik had a seizure and hit his head, fracturing his already fragile skull. He was removed from life support shortly after his mother got to Denmark. We tried so hard to get T there too but it was just too sudden. T misses his brothers immensely.

Anyway, T grew up. They moved from on little town in Georgia to another little town where he did most of his growing up. Its great because if you hear him talk now, you would never guess that he is foreign. No accent whatsoever. He does still speak Danish but his reading skills are lacking because he moved so young.

In 2001 we met at a local steakhouse when I went in to get an application. I got hired and he still insists that he is the reason why. He flirted with me then and through my training. Incessant he was. He, however, had a girlfriend at the time. So, for a long time we went around and around where he would ask me to go on a date with him and I'd say "no, you have a girlfriend" and he was all " I won't if you go out with me". That is so not how I roll though. He had to be free and clear. We got along really well and had the same sense of humor. Got to be really good friends but he was too chicken to let go of the other girl I guess. Nice, huh? Time went on and he left to go and work for Olive Garden. I would see him here and there. Go and visit him at work and he would come visit me. I ended up leaving the steakhouse about a year after he did though and I figured I would never see him again.

Fast forward a year to May 2003 and I was helping my father move out of his apartment and into another int he same building (again) so I was spending the night at his place gearing up for the big move the next morning. We were standing around in the courtyard talking with some friends of his when I looked up and guess who was walking out of the building? Yep, T. I was so excited to see him I ran up and literally jumped on him. He caught me and hugged me back. I hadn't really realized how much I missed him I guess. We talked for a bit and turns out he was moving into the same building my father. Actually, turned out he had been listening to my father gripe about the management the whole time he was trying to move in that morning. Talk about first impressions. He told me to stop by some time and say hello and then went off to meet with his friends. I didn't see him for a week or so but I would see his car in the lot every so often.

Now, side story. A friend of mine and I had been working on planning a trip to New Orleans. Just for fun. It was going to be her, her boyfriend (now husband) and me. I had talked about taking some one with me but couldn't really think of anyone I would have wanted to take. The trip was coming up in about a month so I was feeling the push to figure it out.

One morning I was headed in to see my father and T was moving some stuff into his place again. We said hello and hugged and I went on my way. I started thinking about it while I was visiting my father and thought about inviting T to go with us to New Orleans. I figured, heck, why not. So on my way out I stopped upstairs to talk to T again and it just kind of exploded out of me. I couldn't stop the words.

"Hey, you ever been to New Orleans?"

"No."

"Go with me and (my friend's name here). We are going in a few weeks and I need a date! Of course we could just go as friends though. "

"Wow, uh, ok. I think that sounds like a date."

So we exchanged phone numbers and I walked away shaking. I couldn't believe it. He called me a few days later and asked if I wanted to go to a movie that Monday. I said something to the effect of " Like a date?" and he said " Well, if we are going out of state together I figured we might better go on a first date together". Oh, yeah. Guess so. (Squee!). So we made plans to meet at his place the next Monday (the 15th). We went to a movie and then dinner and then ended up just driving around for the rest of the night. It was awesome. It was like we had never missed a day. We laughed and had fun. When we got back to his apartment he pretty much just said goodnight and went inside. I hadn't expected that abrupt of an ending but got in my car and went home. We went out two days later again to dinner and sat and talked for three or four hours, he walked me to  my car, hugged me and took off. I was convinced this time that he wasn't interested in being more than friends and I was so disappointed. So, when he called the next day and asked if I wanted to go out the next night I was a little leery but I agreed. That night he picked me up and we went to the karaoke bar that he was training to be a jockey at and when I got there I was surprised to have the pleasure of meeting his mother. Thats right ladies and gentlemen, he brought his mother to our date. Anyway, so we stayed there for awhile and then he took me back to my mom's house. We sat in the driveway and talked for a bit and I made a joke about feeling like I was back in highschool. He laughed and leaned over and kissed me. Finally!

I moved into his apartment three days later. We had been dating for nine days. Moving fast? Maybe but it was perfect. We went to New Orleans two weeks later with my friends and had a blast. Lots of drinking, dancing, doughnuts, drinking, and sight seeing. When we got home we went on about hanging out and dating and such for a bit. On June 26th he asked me to marry him. Ring and all. He met me as I came out of the shower with a rose covered bedroom and candles. He sat me down, played and sang a song he had written for me and got down on one knee. I was totally dumbfounded but ecstatic. Obviously I said yes.

The next year was full of wedding planning and decisions and moving and more planning. We wed on September 18th, 2004 in the early after noon. We were surrounded by 149 of our friends and family. I have to say, I think it was beautiful. White dress, gazebo, tons of flowers, bridesmaids, groomsmen and two cakes. A lot of trouble and money spent but so worth it. Definitely memorable. We had a blast dancing and visiting with everyone and then made the textbook exit in a limousine to start our honey moon.

We spent our first night in a hotel downtown, had a great dinner and T slept in my under wear because he had forgotten to pack his. The next morning we got up, drove home to get T's underwear and then left for our honeymoon. We spent a week in Orlando lounging at the pool and hanging around at Universal Studios. We did a casino cruise too that was tons of fun event though we lost at everything. Heading home from that trip was not fun. I wanted to stay there forever. When we got home we went back to the same old grind though. We worked and played. Vacationed and worked some more. We had always said we wanted to wait at least three years to start trying for kids but in the summer of 2006 we decided to go ahead and start trying figuring it would take awhile. Five months later, on New years eve, we found out we were expecting.

SO EXCITED. That was us. We could hardly contain ourselves. We managed to keep it to just our parents and my closest friends until after my eight week doctors appointment. Then I think we literally shouted it from the rooftops. Everyone knew within hours of us seeing that little flashing heartbeat on the ultrasound machine. T was so supportive through my whole pregnancy. He went to every appointment and held my hand while I labored, delivered and snuggled our new baby boy. Some times I think he may have done more research on babies than I did. He has always been a huge part of D's life. He is an awesome father.

We spent the next year snuggling and being in total awe of our little man. He was just so amazing and we spent every extra second playing and devoting our full attention to him. No matter what our days were like, he could make it better. We couldn't imagine loving any other baby near as much as we loved him.

Then, in January 2009, when D was 15 months old, our hearts grew again when I realized I was pregnant again. Totally a surprise but totally not a bad one. We were both in shock but still could feel it. Our lives were changing again and it was awesome. I think T had a harder time with the news than I did though. He had just lost his job and started back at Olive Garden and he was feeling a little off center anyway. Over the next nine months we just got more and more excited. We learned we were expecting another little man and I cried. I was so excited. T had been convinced he was a girl but he was excited too. When K was born, T was right there. In his place, holding my hand while I labored. He was my rock and my comfort. When K was born we both cried. He was the piece we never knew was missing. T was right there with me through the things that followed with K too. The NICU stay was torture to both of us but it was because of him that I was able to cope. He sat with me and held me while I cried and worried. He stayed with K when I had to go and pump. Even still, he is totally in love. Man loves his babies.

So thats us pretty much up to date. If you have stuck with me this long, you deserve a treat. I don't have one, but you deserve one. I think I covered the important bits. Hopefully at least. Otherwise I will hear about it from T I'm sure.

My husband's superpowers

My husband has superpowers. Its part funny. Part completely frustrating. First and foremost, T forgets everything. Mostly seemingly trivial things like where he put the baby's binky he just had in his hand, whether he is supposed to work that night, what his mother said on the phone five minutes ago. His powers force him to forget entire conversations on a frighteningly frequent basis. Which causes all sorts of interesting situations. Especially where the boys or time are involved.

 He also has some sort of negative force field that only applies to sets of keys. In the five years we have been married, he has lost four sets of keys permanently. Never to be found again. One set of keys had the only key to my car (a Lumina) on it. Doesn't sound like a big deal right? Just get a new one made. EXCEPT that this was one of those electronic chip keys that you have to order from the manufacturer. Come to find out, the car was more than five years old so the key could no longer be replaced which in turn TOTALLED the car. Whats even more amazing about his key losing superpower is that even after I reamed him up nd sideways about totalling that car, he has lost two more sets of keys. Nice right?

Another super power seems to be related to the eight million times he has forgotten to get gas and run one or the other of the cars until they quit. This lovely little scenario happens constantly. Once, he actually remembered he was almost out of gas, set the GPS to find him a gas station and then ran out of gas because that station was closed for the evening. Did I mention that he ran out of gas in the worst part of town? And the reason the station was closed was because it was after midnight? Now that takes talent.

Now, there are some exceptions to this super powers. T can remember everyone he has ever known's birthday. Literally. He can also seem to remember every trick and hidey hole in the Super Nintendo game "Aladdin". Now, those might seems like important life skills to, say, another man, but to a wife they are not so impressive. Fortunately, also, when he leaves the house with out me, his super powers seem to digress enough that they do not affect his job. This is good. For all of humanity. Now if only we could figure out how to fix this at home.