Friday, September 24, 2010

Calgon, take me away!

I need a break. From my children and my husband. This is one of those "I love my kids but.." sort of things. I do love my kids. I adore my husband. If you have been around long at all, I hope that it is glaringly obvious that these two little boys are my life. They are my heart and soul. But.

I blame a lot of it on the fact that the last month I have been focusing on them and only them. Their birthdays, their party, their health. Them and their birthdays have consumed my every thought. They have also been touching me/ screaming every second they are awake while they were sick. I have been puked on, pooped on, and fevered on. I have held them down while kicking and screaming for tests and exams. I have been up with them at odd hours snuggling and comforting.

My husband is never home. He works upwards of 80 hours a week and is home for maybe an hour in the middle of naptime. He comes home after the boys are in bed and leaves before they get up. When he is here, I still take the responsibility for the kids and the house. He used to be great about helping out but lately, not so much. Probably because he works so much and I try to be understanding but when is my break?

I haven't eaten much and I know I am getting dehydrated because there simply hasn't been the time. I have juggled and stressed and freaked out and cuddled their little brains out and I have done it with out an ounce of regret or bad feelings because honestly, they are worth it and I really don't mind because I love them more than I love life.

Right now though, right now I need a drink. Or a massage. Or even just a good long nap. A few hours with the girls (hint hint) or just a long, quiet drive would do. Just some me time. Some time to unwind and be me- me instead of mom- me.

Those of you that work outside the home or only have one child (or are just outright insane) probably don't understand and/ or think I am a horrible person for feeling that way but its true. Being a full time "stay home mom" is a lot of work. Its full time with no pay and no breaks. Usually it is pure bliss for me, getting to raise my children and be present, but I also know my limits. I know that sometimes everyone needs a break to be the best person/ parent they can be. Right now, its my turn. Wish me luck it happens soon.

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