Monday, February 8, 2010

Too relaxed?

I have always been a fairly laid back kind of person. Unflappable if you will. Some people call it jaded. Whatever you want to call it, that is me. I blame my erratic childhood. We grew up all over the country, with all kinds of people, and saw all kinds of crazy stuff.  It could, however, be more just typical personality but considering my father is a schizophrenic sociopath (diagnosed when we were older) and my mother is kind of a drama queen. There was a lot of tension and drama in our house too.

I had never really thought about it and other than the fact that I am pretty good in a crisis its never really been an "issue". I can keep a fairly level head, even when other people are freaking out, and get things done. I fall apart later if at all.  Nothing much gets under my skin. I don't buy into gossip and I don't care what people think of me. No really, I don't. I do hate when people don't have the balls to say things to my face but otherwise everyone has their own take.

Even with the boys I am laid back. They are little kids. Boys. They are going to get hurt. I will protect them to the best of my ability but if they fall and bonk their head I am not likely to freak and rush them immediately to the ER unless something is OBVIOUSLY wrong. One, because I know my kids. I know every little sound they make and what they mean. The sad cries, the hurt cries, the embarrassed cries. Two, because I have been at this kid watching thing a LONG time. Not necessarily with my own kids (obviously) but nonetheless for fifteen years I have been caring for children under three years old. Day cares, preschools, being a nanny and now a mommy. Stuff just doesn't bother me.

A certain some one recently chastised me though for being too laid back with the boys. D had gotten a little choked up on a piece of pineapple, not really choked just coughing choked, and this person freaked the hell out. Me? I didn't move. Kids do that. D does it a lot. He double fist shoves food into his mouth and gets too much in there. He has never actually choked on anything other than his own slobber (yes, he really did) and in my opinion he needs to learn to not do that anymore. What better way to learn by your own mistakes right? So, anyway, she is freaking the hell out and I am just sitting with my hand under his mouth and saying "spit it out" which he does after a second. All was well. That is when the lecture started. About how I am "too relaxed and he could have DIED" and " this isn't the first time I've noticed you being this way" and "you really need to look out for them more". Blahblahblah. Now, if he had really been choking, do you think I would have just sat there? Absolutely not. I do know the difference. I have done the Heimlich on a children (including the little slobber inhaler). So it felt like she wasn't only questioning my experience but also my parenting skills.

So here is my question for you readers. What would you have done? AM I too relaxed? Should I have freaked out and smacked him on the back (which by the way is the WORST thing you can do to someone who is choking)? Ugh. I guess it goes back to wondering why the way I parent is anyone else's business.


  1. NO. You did the right thing! I would have told that certain someone that you know your kids, and you also are smart enough to know that if someone is coughing, they can breathe, therefore they are NOT choking, nor will they die... if they stop coughing, then you have a problem!

    You know I am the same way, kids are GOING to get hurt. Unless its gushing blood or broken, wipe the dirt off, kiss it, and go back to playing. If we freaked about every bump/bruise/fall, we would spend every day at the ER.

  2. I don't see the delima. Although, I am very laid back as I would feel the same way you do. *I* know my kid better than anyone in this world, not some person who THINKS they know my kid.
    Freaking out doesn't get you anywhere EVEN IF the situation may be that serious.
    This person who accosted you is probably the same person who freaks over every little thing that kids do...we call them helicopter parents...
    You are a fabulous mama and should just tell them to beat it ;)


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