Music Monday

 Music is a huge part of Tommy and I's relationship. Its something we bonded over in the beginning and still connect with now.  I will be posting the lyrics to a song and what it means to me every Monday (hopefully). At least until I run out of interesting things to say (Or I forget). Make sense? Feel free to do your own but please link back to me and add your site to the MckLinky below!

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Fidelity by Regina Spektor

Fidelity - Regina Spektor

I never loved nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting my heart truly
I got lost in the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind all this music

And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart

And suppose I never ever met you
Suppose we never fell in love
Suppose I never ever let you kiss me so sweet and so soft
Suppose I never ever saw you
Suppose we never ever called
Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall
Just to break my fall
Just to break my fall
Break my fall
Break my fall

All my friends say that of course its gonna get better
Gonna get better
Better better better better
Better better better

I never love nobody fully
Always one foot on the ground
And by protecting by heart truly
I got lost
In the sounds
I hear in my mind
All these voices
I hear in my mind all these words
I hear in my mind
All this music
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart

I hear in my mind all of these voices
I hear in my mind all of these words
I hear in my mind all of this music

Breaks my
Heart
Breaks my heart


This song kind of strikes a chord with me in a way I'm not so fond of. I tend to protect myself. Protect my heart from people. I hold back to keep from getting hurt. In her case, she let someone in and got burned. I think that is mostly what I am afraid of too. That If I let go and let people in, that I could get burned. Thing is, I know in my heart that getting burned is part of the story of life. Its part of what makes you you.

Blame my childhood, blame my past relationships. Whatever it is, I really sometimes wish that I could let it go. Not to say that I am incapable of having close relationships, its just hard for me. Hard to trust and just let go with people. Something I need to work on for sure.

Kindness and Karma Week: 1.0

My bloggy friend, Jamie over at Grumbles and Grunts, started this carnival of sorts this week and I decided to join in. Its all about stress and worry and how to let it go. Go check it out and join in! Lets all try to help each other relieve some tension!

Today's question: Is worrying about it and letting it ruin your mood really going to make it any better?

Oh, the things I worry about. From the real threats to the what ifs. Most of which I know the answer to. So why do I let it get to me? Am I hard wired to stress about stupid stuff? I literally catch myself lying awake at night sometimes and worrying about things like if I put the wet laundry in the dryer earlier or not. If I didn't is it going to sour over night? Should I go check or not worry about it? Then I fret for half an hour over it and end up getting up to check only to remember half way to the laundry room I had done it hours ago. Or I worry about my boys or T while he is at work or my sister that lives so far away. What if the car breaks down on vacation? What if T gets fired? What if nobody really likes me? What if we all get smashed by a huge asteroid in our sleep??

So then we get back to the question at hand. Does it make anything better? Nope. I know that. Things are what they are for the most part and stress usually only makes the bad times worse. I know for me at least, the more stressed I am, the more mistakes I make which only causes more stress. Stress that could have been avoided in the first place. Why do I do that to myself??

What I really need to work on is letting things go. Less dwelling on the worries and more focusing on the NOW. My boys aren't going to stay little forever. They won't ever be two and seven months again. I need to redirect my energy to enjoying every last second of their childhood. I love it now, but imagine how much more awesome it could be if I didn't spend so much time worrying about often inane and worthless troubles.  I love these boys more than life itself and I want to be able to focus on making them enjoy life as much as possible. How can I do that if I am constantly wrapped up in my own troubles.

So here is my pledge. I am going to start talking myself through things and finding the positive in every situation. Or at least try. I remember a line from the show Dharma and Greg where they were talking about bad things in your mind. Ok, well, I don't remember the exact line, but the gist was to put things in a bubble and let it float away. So, that is what I will try to do. When something starts getting to me, I will blow it into that imaginary bubble and then let it go. Sounds corny as hell but I think it may help me out some to have have a physical means of "letting it go". Heres to trying!

Weirdness

So, everyone tells you that your body will never be the same after kids. After all, you grow a human, right? Makes sense. Most of the changes I expected. The loose skin, the stretch marks, the wider hips. Its okay though, they are so worth it. (If you get squeamish talking body stuff, you might stop here). What weirds me out is the weird bone popping it seems to have caused. I seem to creak and crack in places that I didn't even know I were possible. Did you know your sternum could pop? I didn't. Mine does though. At least now it does. Its not something I dealt with before kids. I actually went as far as to call my midwife about it the other day. I was really freaked out here people. She calmly explained that since my chest cavity had expanded during pregnancy that sometimes it has a hard time closing back up and air gets trapped and thats when I stopped listening. Eww, gross Simone.

Then there is the nerve or muscle or whatever it is in my extreme lower back that gets all out of whack occasionally. Its in a spot somewhere in my pelvis and it makes my whole lower back hurt. This is not a sciatic nerve thing. I have that too, but it can usually get that one to wiggle back into place and it stops hurting.

So, what kind of weirdness did your kids do to your body? Or am I the only one with weirdness??