Wait, what happened??

When did I grow up? I was sitting in my van at Target last night, thinking about dinners for the week and this and that when I heard a bunch of girls laughing and talking loudly getting into the car parked directly in front of me. The oldest was maybe 18. They were laughing and cutting up, smoking and popping their gum while they did. It struck me that their outfits fit them and looked well put together. Their hair was freshly washed.

I sat there in my van watching as they all piled into a tiny little Honda and took off. For a minute I thought about when my life used to be that easy. So carefree and simple. When all I had to look out for was myself. I was never one of the "popular" girls. Never cared that much about makeup or hairstyles, but I never really had to worry about money or kids or dinner. I came and went as I pleased. I hung out with my girlfriend till 3 or 4am at Walmart sometimes just because we could. I wondered when I went and got all grown up. I didn't know anything was missing so there was no reason to think about it back then.

Then somehow, my focus shifted to my kids. Am I missing anything? Or have I just transformed. My jealousy immediately melted away in thoughts of the way their little faces light up when they see me. The funny way that K yells "Hiiiiiiiiii" when you walk into a room, even if you have only been gone for a few minutes. The way he laughs when you tickle him under his chin. The way he snuggles in close and crosses his little feet when its time to nurse. Then there is D, my little man. He is so full of life its contagious. He loves to run and jump and wrestle and play but sometimes, he likes to just lay on Mama's chest and snuggle like there is nothing better. The way he comes up, strokes my cheek and says "I sorry mama, I lub you" when he knows I'm frustrated or sad and then pulls me away to play cars with him in the floor. The days the three of us spend just lazing around the house playing with toys or the crazy, hectic days we spend running errands, either way we have a blast.

I thought I had it all then but look what I have now. My life with these boys (all three of them) it so infinitely more happy and fulfilling. I realized the things that would have once been so desperately important to me seem silly and childish now. I guess priorities change. They warp and melt into something entirely different. Maybe even more than a few times in life I guess. In this case it was a slow change of sorts. The pregnancies and births of my babies changed my entire outlook on life, so why wouldn't they change my priorities. Somehow, a perfect outfit and fabulous hair doesn't seem as important as happy, clean kids. I guess I realized as I sat there, long after those girls drove off, just how much has changed in the last ten years. I went from a carefree, wild teenager with no responsibilities, to a full time mommy of two with all of the responsibility. Would I trade a single second of it? Nope. That is whats great about growing up.