Thursday, October 7, 2010

Mommy Confessions

Render Me Mama

Ok, so we all have them. I have decided its time to stop keeping them to myself in hopes that other mommies will realize that none of us are perfect. Here are my dirty little secrets for the week in hopes it will encourage me to be better. What are yours?

~ First off, I totally forgot about Mommy Confessions last week. Was moving that day though so at least I have a good excuse?

~ The other night, right before bed, I noticed K was crawling around in circles in the floor. Literal circles. At first, his brother and I giggled at him and told him he was silly. Then D yelled "No K! Is a SPIDER!". So of course I jumped up and ran over to him and about the time I realized it was a big nasty looking spider he had been chasing in circles, he snatched it up of the floor and crushed it in his tiny fist in what I can only describe as a hulk maneuver. D and I were both just standing there over him looking at him in disbelief when he went to put the squished spider carcass in his mouth. Ensue hilarity. D started yelling "Ewww No K! Yucky spider! Don't taste it!!" and jumping up and down. Here is where the confession comes in: I wish I could say my reaction was much more adult like but unfortunately I did pretty much the same exact thing. Jumping and screaming like a little kid. It was like a train wreck you couldn't look away from. Luckily, seeing our reaction, K giggled and threw the dead spider down at my feet. I scooped K up and we went in the other room until my blood pressure dropped to a non dangerous level.

~ I got really frustrated at my kids this week. I love them. I love them more than life itself but I had quite a bit on my plate this week and I mostly was frustrated with myself for getting there. It all came to a head when we were at good ol' Walmart and K was screaming at me and throwing things from the cart while D was running every which way and dropping his pants every ten minutes saying he needed to potty. I got K out of the cart and got D by the hand, walked out to the car, got the boys in their seat and me in mine.. and then I lost it. I didn't scream or lash out physically but I just sat there and sobbed for a bit. I regained my composure after a few minutes and put the car in reverse to leave the lot but as soon as I turned to look over my shoulder to back out, D quietly said "I sorry Mama, I wuv you.". Of course then the tears started again. I put the car back in park, unbuckled everyone and we all just sat in the car and snuggled for half an hour. It was more than what I needed to get my head on straight.

~ I got both my boys in my new tub this week to get them all cleaned up and while they were splashing around I thought to myself how they might like it if I turned the jets on for them to play in. Without thinking it through, I reached over and flipped the switch, sending the jets buzzing and sputtering to a start and sending both boys into a screaming, flailing panic trying to evacuate the possessed bath tub as fast at possible. K won't go in my bathroom now.

~ I wish I had more time. More time to be just Mama. More time to snuggle. More time to play. We went to the park yesterday morning while T was home and just rolled in the grass together as a family. It was bliss. Something we need to do much more often. Stupid life, all getting in the way and making things complicated.

~ The new place still doesn't feel like home to me. Its alien and strange. Like living in some sort of weird hotel where all the stuff is yours. We still can't find our silverware and my dryer is out of commission due to an apparent plug conversion shortage so that isn't helping. When you can't eat or wash your clothes in a place, it makes it hard for it to feel like home.

P.S. What do you think about the new button? I added it to the sidebar if anyone wants to join in the fun! Be sure and leave me a link though so I can come read your dirty little secrets.

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