My D Loves His Grandpa #WW

A Promise to My Boys for #TuneinTuesday

A very good friend of mine started up a new weekly link up called "Tune in Tuesdays". Those of you who have been around awhile remember the Music Mondays days around here and this is the same premise. A song you love to share with the group.

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Hold on to me as me as we go

As we roll down this unfamiliar road

And although this wave is stringing us along

Just know you’re not alone

I’m gonna make this place your home



Life on an Unexpected Road... (*Guest Post*)

Today's guest post is written by one of my good friends. Ashley writes at her blog Momma on a Mission has been married for almost 10 years, has three awesome boys, is a homeschooling momma, hobby photographer, and professional crafter! Earlier this year, Ashley's youngest son was diagnosed with Juvenile Arthritis and Ashley has become both a fierce advocate for her son and played an important roll informing the public about the disease. Earlier this year, her youngest son wwas diagnose with juvilnile Arthritis and has taken to her blog to provide awarness and information for parents. To date she has spoken at a recent Arthritis Foundation event and hopes to be more involved with the them in the future. Her hope is to bring more awareness to this disease and provide a place of support and encouragement for other families as well.

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It’s been almost ten months since Monkey was diagnosed with Juvenile Arthritis and what a crazy ride it’s been so far. Full of many downs but also full of some great and unexpected highs. We’ve seen the OR room, tiny exam rooms, and needles more than we’d like, but, we’ve also received some nice surprises and met so many kind doctors, nurses, and found many new friends to help us along the way. We’ve even gotten the chance to be a part of some great events and look forward to being part of many more!

I’ve also found that this road is tricky…it’s not straight or clear. There are so many twists and turns and often times you’re in an area where even if there were a parenting GPS you wouldn’t get a signal. I’m fully convinced though that we as parents are given every gift and blessing to parent the children that God gave us. He has equipped us with every tool we need to be the perfect provider, nurse, comforter, and guide for them. This realization has given me faith and strength as we’ve walked down the road of JA. I may not be able to fix everything or make it all better but I know that I am doing my best and that IS best.

So if you and your family are walking down an unknown road leading you places you’ve never been and dealing with a disease or hardship you never expected remember that you were made for this. You alone have what it takes to be a source of strength and love for your babies and your family. Have faith my friend, and when you feel weak remember that there are others out here just like you holding you up and supporting you with prayers and thoughts. xo


(If you or someone you know is seeking a source of support or encouragement please feel free to pass along Ashley's Blog. She is also available via email (mommaonamission@comcast.net) and is more than happy to talk to those who are needing someone to listen.)

Letting Go of the Tiny Things

Literally. During this move, I have made good on one of the items on the 2012 List. Specifically this one:

3. Clear out some old kids things. Ideally I would like to put a ton of items in a consignment sale. Its time to let go of some of the things from their past, no matter how much it pains me.

Pain me it did too. There is just something about all those tiny socks and tiny pairs of pants that pull at my heart strings. I have lived in a world of tiny blue things for a long time. I was blessed enough to have a lot of good friends and family that showered us heavily with baby clothes and toys when I was pregnant with D. Add that to the fact I love to shop and that T was working and I was working two jobs and had a lot of spare cash, and theings just got crazy.

As D outgrew things, I diligently washed and packed them away for our next someday baby. Knowing that the next baby could very well be wearing pink but still, I couldn't make my heart get rid of the bulk of the baby blue accoutrements we had gathered. Each little outfit held a special place in my heart. A memory of some sort. First night home, first smile, first steps. How could I get rid of all the memories?

Then we found out we were pregnant with K. I knew immediately that he was a he. Call it Mama intuition I guess. A few months later an ultrasound confirmed it. Still, considering the fact that T had just lost his job, it was lucky that I had so neatly packed away all those little boy blues. Getting the tiniest ones out to wash before his birth was a sea of tears. There were a few outfits that I just couldn't picture putting on the new baby because of the emotions tied to them from the first. So, I packed those back up and they still reside in the memory box I keep in his closet.

Of course K has his own memory box. His going home outfit, his first PJs, and his "Mommy's Little Monster" outfit. He is still Mama's monster after all.

This time though, there is no other baby in the foreseeable future. I would have a million more babies if I could but I just don't see it happening any more. I think that is probably what hurts the most. Especially since I will be ending on a miscarriage. Ouch.

Yes, I know that there is a chance that someday I will remarry and I will have more kids and pigs will fly but lets face it, I am not getting any younger here people and with the other health issues I already face, the chances are getting slimer by the minute here. I held onto that love for too long it seems.

Anyway, I made the choice to just go ahead and get rid of everything that wasn't packed away in the memory boxes and so far, I have made a fairly big dent. I cry a little every time something that holds those memories slips away but I know that holding on to things isn't the same as holding on to the memories. I will always have those memories of my two "tiny" babies sleeping peacfully in their swing or smiling up from their playmat. No need for the physical reminders.

Still... Still. Its not easy.

How long did you hold on to your tiniest things?

My Boys See the Braves #ww

Yesterday, I surprised the boys.

With tickets to the Braves game at Turner Field

Considering D's recent obsession

We were all very excited

D was in awe of field

K was in awe of the unlimited peanuts

We watched the first 4 innings

From our fabulous seats

Until it started to rain

And rain, and rain, and rain.

And then... we splashed and played and hopped.

It was one of the best nights EVER.

*A huge thank you to the Alpharetta CVB for giving us the tickets and parking pass!

What I Want for Mother's Day

This year, Mother's Day is a little different for me. Its the first after losing a baby. Its the first where I am looking forward to staying home all day and cooking out. Its the first I will celebrate as a single mother.

I was doing some thinking last night about what I really wanted for Mother's Day. What I would go buy myself if I had an unlimited amount of money. Chocolate? Don't care for it. Jewerly? Don't wear it. A card? They can't write. Finally I realized what I really wanted. The answer was simple.

I want my boys to know love.

Unconditional Love.


The kind of love that knows no bounds. That never judges or calls names. The kind that can see the good in the bad and the best of the worst. The kind that accepts them for what they are and changes as they change. The kind that grows with them. The kind that never deserts them.

I want them to live their lives knowing that their mama loves them so deeply within her soul that it aches when they are away. I want them to know that their mama, even if she gets frustrated, loves every single second of every single day she spends with them. I wouldn't trade a single second.

I want them to know that no matter what happens or what trials we go through, I will never leave them. Even if we aren't together. We are going to make it out on the other side bigger, brighter, and stronger than ever before. They are my strength and will. They make me strive to be the best person, the best woman, the best mama, I can be. They are with me everywhere they go and I am with them. I always will be.

So, while every one else is excited to spend time with their families going to a nice restaurant or having their husband take over for the day and (hopefully!) shower them with gifts, I will be enjoying my little boys to the absolute fullest. We are going to snuggle and play and run and giggle until we just can't anymore. Then we will rest. We will snuggle and just enjoy some books or even a nice nap. Then we will do it again.


Every. single. day.

I wouldn't trade a single second of any day with my boys for anything in this world. Not a single thing. Mother's Day is no exception. The physical things that you can get as gifts are great reminders of your child's love that you can carry with you but the love that I carry in my heart for them is priceless. I love these boys and they love me. Best. Gift. Ever.

On Weaning

My monster, at just shy of 26 months, has decided he is done breastfeeding. I am doing surprisingly okay with that most of the time but sometimes it still burns. I just want one more time. One more snuggle. One more sleepy gaze.

K has always been a good nurser. He was eager for it the second he was born. He latched on and got right into it. He nursed like a champ through his NICU stay and just kept right on going when we got home. Some would say it was because I was experienced already and that made it easy but I think he was just as determined as I was to make breastfeeding work for us.

When he was a tiny, new baby he squeaked when he nursed like a little rubber duck. It was the most adorable sound I have ever heard. Suck-suck-SQUEAK. It made nursing him in public a tad bit more obvious but what can you do? I mostly just pretended to not noticed the loud, squeaking sounds coming out of him while we were out and if people dared to stare, I would just stare right back.

He loved to nurse and when he was sad or hurt he nursed purely for comfort. Something his brother never did. I lived for the times he would melt into my chest and relax immediately to nurse. It was like a drug to him though he never did really fall asleep while nursing. It was all business until he was full and then it was bippy time. Some days here lately he would just snuggle down into my chest and talk to me. I guess, even though he didn't want to nurse, the snuggles were still enough comfort and that is okay with me too.

Besides there are good things about it. I can get some normal bras. I can hopefully stop waking up in a puddle. At least I hope. It's been almost five years of crazy lactation and I can definitely say I'm ready to dry up just a little. It will be nice to not have to carry around spare breastpads everywhere I go in case one of the boys does something cute or a baby cries or one of the other things that makes me leak like a cut hose happens. Ah, the joys over overproduction.

Then I think about the downside. Which mostly consists of my overwhelming mama emotions of my baby growing up. He doesn't need to nurse any more equals big kid and I don't like the thought of that one little bit. He is supposed to stay little forever. Oh, it hurts to think that he is too big to nurse. Self weaning is a gift that I have always given my boys but it doesn't make the emotions for me fo away.

I thought about pumping for him. I could. I did. For D. I pumped him breastmilk pretty regularly for about a year after he weaned. Well, weaned off me I guess. (How does that work anyway? He double weaned? Whatever.) I guess the thought of pulling out that pump again after all this time just kind if makes me gag a little. Or maybe more than a little.

Either way, we're done. Its time to move on to bigger adventures with a bigger boy. Who knows, maybe some day I will get to breastfeed again. Maybe someday. Until then, I have nothing but amazing memories of nursing my boys and even if K is my last, Its been a good run.

Family Fun Extravaganza

A Wordless Wednesday Slideshow...

This Moment Right Here

This age, it's my favorite.. and this one... and the next one. I love every second of it. Motherhood. Every second spent with the boys is heaven. I miss them when they go to bed. So much so that I am not irritated when they wake up in the night and need a little extra snuggle. I am beginning to wonder if it is some kind of affliction. Thing is though, these kids... These kids are such a blessing. I look at them and I see happiness. I see the good times mixed with the bad. I see the tempers and the testing and I cherish it. It is going to make them awesome little kids.

Yesterday, we spent the afternoon playing in the yard. Well, they spent the afternoon playing in the yard. I spent some of it working on the garden, some of it taking pictures and the rest playing in the yard with them. We rolled around a little in the grass, letting the little white petals from the huge Bradford Pear tree fall down on us like snow and giggled our silly giggles when one landed on our faces. We played chase. We rolled around in the big giga ball they got for Christmas. They watched as I watered the seedlings and then took turns watering the bigger plants. Then we all took a nap and woke up to snuggle on the couch.

It was a fabulous afternoon. 

Some days, things aren't so happy dreamy. Some days they can be little terrors. Screaming, kicking, running. Thing is, they are little kids, right? Isn't that kind of their job? How could I be upset, or angry or frustrated at them because they are doing what they do best? Even if they are acting like little, tiny terrorists in a public place and every one is staring. Even if they are just a little needier than usual. Even if they wake me up in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. I love every single minute of it. It's just awesome.

I want to here from you though, my friends. What is your favorite moment with your kids? Which moments do you cherish the most?

Gender Profiles

Yesterday, I bought my son a toy at a local consignment store. It was a little pink plastic doll house complete with little family, furniture and decorative accents. You guys, I have never seen a little boy so excited to get a surprise. He was ecstatic. Thing is though, when I checked out, the lady asked me how old my daughter is. When I replied that it was actually for my oldest son who is three, she made the awfulest face and replied that they had a boy toy’s section and asked if I had missed it. "I'm sure he would enjoy some of the Tonka trucks back there more!" To which I told her he was going to be crazy excited about the dollhouse thank you very much and left without saying another word.

See, this kind of thing happens around us a lot. It irks me to no end. The gender thing. Not that I am one of those people that would dress my boys in dresses and take them out to church like that but if they want to play dress up and wear sparkly jewelry or paint their toes, then damn it, they are more than welcome to. If it’s a forbearance that he turns out to be a gay man, then guess what? I will love him still and I will be confident in the fact that I did not stifle his growth and independence.

It started last Spring when I painted my D’s toenails. I painted them hot pink because he had been begging me to paint his toes like his mama’s. Every chance he got, he went into my bathroom and brought me my nail polish from the drawer, a different color every time.

“How ‘bout this one, mama?”

His little face all stretched upwards with the expression of trying to convince me it was a good idea. So, I did it. We sat on the end of my bed while K was napping and we painted our toenails. I let him pick out the colors. Hot pink for him and bright red for me. I did his  first, and then he painted mine. To the best of his 2 year old abilities.

I didn’t really think anything of it. Truth be told, it didn’t strike me as odd at all that he wanted his toenails painted like his mama’s. I mean, he spends all of his time with me, he has always loved pretty shiney things and also, he is my little kid.

What struck me odd was everyone else’s reactions to it. People ranged from just laughing and shaking their heads to commenting on how weird it was for him to be so happy about it to actually saying things out loud to him that were totally inappropriate. Apparently some people really are that clueless about life and everything else that they it’s okay to insinuate that a two year old will be homosexual because he doesn’t play with Tonka trucks exclusively. To a two year old.

The part that really irked me though was when I realized how it was affecting him. He showed everyone he talked to for about a week his pretty, shiny toenails with a big smile on his face. Then, gradually he got shy about it. He started wanting to wear his sneakers again. He stopped offering to show them to people he didn’t know pretty well. He would bury them in the sofa when my mother came around.

He had been so excited, so proud of having painted nails and the world had gone and ruined it for him. 

It hurt my heart. It hurt a lot. I know he is just a little kid but when the world hurts your little kid you want to hurt it back. It’s not fair that people can be so cruel. He is a little kid. It’s not that “he doesn’t know better” it’s that he wants to explore his world. I, for one, intend on helping him to explore and learn about his world in every way I can.

Those of you that know D. That have had the pleasure of meeting and playing with him, you know that D is well rounded. Does he love pink? Yes, he does very much. Does he love Tonka trucks? Yes, he does. D is very well rounded. It is something that I have always admired in him. He is comfortable in any situation with any crowd of people. He can sit and play Barbie or he can romp and dig in the mud.

So, why should I stop him? Truth is, I’m not going to. Not a chance. I may draw the line occasionally (like refusing to buy the pink, sparkly Dora jellies he really wants from Payless shoes. Who knows though, he may end up with those yet.) but for the most part, I am not going to hold my kid back because the close minded disagree.

Next time you see a little boy all excited about having his toes painted or a little girl covered in mud playing with a truck, think before you speak. Smile and know that it’s okay. It isn’t weird or out of the ordinary. Its freedom. Its encouragement. Its love.

Lucky

I am the luckiest Mama on the planet. These little boys, man. These little boys have a hold on me like I would never even have thought possible. They really are my little princes. My little Mama's boys through and through.

The best part to me is being able to stay home with them. I get to spend every moment with them. I get to see all of their milestones. I get to teach them things. I love knowing what they are singing or talking about because I was the one who taught them or at least was there with them. I love knowing their moods so intently and being able to adjust to them and what they need day to day.

Are there days where they are driving me crazy and I envy the working moms? Oh yeah. Is it hard? Oh hell yes. Some days I have to do the things that working moms do only I have two little tag alongs pulling me in opposite directions every ten feet. Add in the home school activities we do and trying to keep the house clean and it takes fifteen minutes to answer one email.

Granted I have it a little different than most SAHMs because I have absolutely no help during the day. Ever. Its like being a single, stay home mom. Two of the hardest jobs on the planet simultaneously. Dancing to the tune of two little tyrants, one of which can't even tell you what he wants half the time, can get old. Really old...

Then.. they crawl in your lap, kiss you on the cheek and say "I love you, Mama" and all of the frustration and the exhaustion melts away. Suddenly its all worth it again. The juggle. I wouldn't trade one single afternoon of trying to fit the park in to our hectic schedule for any amount of money or glory. Not one single second.

I hope that I never have to make that choice. Not until they are old enough to do their own thing. Of course I would if it meant not being able to meet their physical needs. Food and shelter win. I would in a heartbeat. Its a choice that so many moms make. The need for the money wins out to the desire to stay home. Some moms just don't want to stay home with their kids. Its not something I will ever understand but I can definitely respect. You have to do what you have to do to stay sane and happy.

For me though, there is no greater happiness than taking care of my boys full time. I am the luckiest woman on the planet to have this literal once in a lifetime job. They grow up so fast. Fame and fortune will just have to wait for me.

Wearing My Babies: A Story and Call to Action!

I have written before about babywearing. I have always been an advocate for it and know first hands its benefits. I started wearing D when he was about two weeks old. He was tiny and so snuggly but I needed to get some stuff done. The automatic answer to me was babywearing. I could put him in the wrap we had at the time and I could do everything I needed to do, skin to skin with my precious little man.

Over the next year, there were days where I would wear him and he would cry when I took him out. We went from wrap to meitai to ring sling as he grew. Each time it took a few days for both of us to get used to the switch but it worked out just fine. He so much preferred to be worn than to sit in the nasty carts and sometimes he preferred the comfort of the carriers to just being carried.

I continued to wear D while I was pregnant with K and never slowed down. With a huge belly and a 30 pound toddler strapped to my back I definitely drew a lot of attention. Why would I give up something that we both loved? I didn't give up nursing him while I was pregnant, why would I give up wearing him. Not to mention it was way easier on my back to wear him than have to jut my hip out to hold him that way. It just made sense.

When K was born, he took a turn in the NICU. He spent almost all of his time snuggled up to my chest doing Kangaroo Care and he got quite used to being there, all snuggled up and warm, listening to my heartbeat. When we got home, he expected the same rock star treatment and he got it. I wore him a lot more in the first weeks that I did D. Every morning when we would get up he would go straight into the wrap. I could tend to his brother, and he got the snuggles and kisses he wanted. Everywhere we went, everything we did, K was worn.

He still is for the most part but now that he is getting bigger, he likes to be down. He enjoys sitting in the shopping cart more than D ever did. Mostly because that way he gets to watch and play games with his brother. Still though, if we are going somewhere as a family, one or the other or both of the boys still gets worn. Strollers are just too cumbersome for a family on the go.

Baby-wearing has always just been the norm for us. Its not something I talk about too much here although I have in the past. Its just what we do with our babies.

So, why bring it up now? Well, it is under attack. The Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) is trying to regulate the baby-wearing industry. By doing so, they are taking away our options. They are trying to take away the small carrier makers that are the heart and soul of the practice. They are trying to undermine the research that shows that baby-wearing is beneficial and safe.

They have attacked a (so far unnamed) baby carrier company and forced them to stop production and have ordered them to destroy their inventory without any reasons or cite-able studies as to why. The scary thing is, they don't need a reason. They can do this just because they are the CPSC. The further problem is if they can do this to one company, they will do it to them all in time.

I know I speak for a lot of families that can say they stand firm behind baby-wearing and every thing that goes with it. One of those things is safety, yes, but that is something that lies with the parent using the product correctly, not something that can be mandated by a meddling government program.

So, what can you do? Same as I am doing along with lots of other awesome bloggers.

1. Join the Baby Carrier Industry Alliance on Facebook and join together with other outraged parents and see what you can do from there.

2. Blog, blog, blog. Tweet, tweet, tweet. Spreading the word is the best thing anyone can do right now. Even if you are not a baby-wearing parent, this is still something that can affect you, your readers, or your family. This is small business under attack and being bullied. Also, you can link up your post with Stephanie at Adventures in Baby-wearing for the chance to win a Sakura Bloom sling. Spread the word!

I hope that you can all understand why this is important to me. Baby-wearing isn't just how I carry my babies. Its a bonding thing. Its a trust thing. Its a safety thing. It has been safe for generations of parents around the world. Its a choice that I have made for my family and it is something that is in danger of being revoked by a program that refuses to give answers as to why it is taking that stance. Is that something that anyone would be okay with?

Feel free to add in your own stories in the comments, or if you do blog about this let me know! I would love to come by and read your stories. Also, don't forget to link up your post with Adventures In Babywearing to enter for your chance to wim!

Wean Me Gently

I have already started getting the comments.


The "How is weaning going?"


Or "You are still breastfeeding??"


My answer? "Yes, he is. He will wean when he is done, I'm not worried."


My baby boy is not even a year old yet and already people are trying to push their crazy standards on us. People thought I was crazy last time too though so I guess I can't really expect people have changed or grown up. They would be appalled if they knew that I still give my (almost) three year old pumped milk too. I am okay with that though. I am not doing it for them.


Breastfeeding for me has been magical. I have been nursing for almost three years straight at this point, short the six weeks between when D weaned and when K was born, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. You can imagine the looks I got nursing a toddler at 8 months pregnant but somehow, it was just natural. It was us. It has always been easy for me and I know I am extremely lucky. I have never struggled with thrush or pain or low supply. In fact, I have always had the opposite problem with supply. One could say I have a plethora of milk. I still leak overnight and K has slept 12 hours since 3 weeks old. That, my friends, is absurd.


The thing is, I think nursing my babies has meant as much to me as it does to them. We are comfort to each other in a way that just can't be explained. Its a bond that knows no boundaries. I crave that feeling of love. I look forward to our time spent together, just him and me. When D weaned himself, I remember being so sad. Every nursing that he dropped, I would cry and then when he just stopped one day, I was heartbroken. A weird thing to feel I guess to some people but for us, breastfeeding has always been more than just food. We have just found other ways to get that connection. That warm fuzzy love.


K will be a year old in a week and is showing no signs of slowing down with his booby love and that makes me happy. I hope we can make it to two but really, its up to him. Weaning should be baby's choice. I just hope when the time comes, we are both at peace with it.

Wean Me Gently
by Cathy Cardall

I know I look so big to you,

Maybe I seem too big for the needs I have.

But no matter how big we get,
We still have needs that are important to us.
I know that our relationship is growing and changing,
But I still need you. I need your warmth and closeness,
Especially at the end of the day
When we snuggle up in bed.
Please don't get too busy for us to nurse.
I know you think I can be patient,
Or find something to take the place of a nursing;
A book, a glass of something,
But nothing can take your place when I need you.
Sometimes just cuddling with you,
Having you near me is enough.
I guess I am growing and becoming independent,
But please be there.
This bond we have is so strong and so important to me,
Please don't break it abruptly.
Wean me gently,
Because I am your mother,
And my heart is tender.

Fresh squeezed K, startin' his addiction.

Links

I have a Facebook page. Really, who doesn't? Recently some of my friends have posted some really awesome links to articles and blogs. If you know me, you know the kind of articles I like. Articles about breastfeeding and attachment parenting in general but also safety and info on the "greener" side.

Seeing as how I have had a brain crushing migraine for the past six days and it continues this morning (yes, I called the doctor), I figured I would share some of those sites with you and some of my personal favorites (No meat here today guys. My brains hurt.). I divided them into sections and I hope all of you can find something that is of use to you!



Attachment Parenting:

First, if you are looking for some awesome information or resources Attachment Parenting International (API) is the place to go. You will find tons of information on gentle parenting and lots of articles about why AP is what so many people are choosing over more old fashioned parenting techniques. There is a little for everyone here, breast or bottle feeders, stay at home or working parents. There is also an entire section dedicated to older children and teens and the challenges that go along with those age groups. Attachment never stops.

Second, of course, would be Dr. Sears. Tons of advice here guys. Almost too much. I have seen a few times conflicting articles on the same subject here. To some AP people Dr. Sears is the know all, end all but there are some things I disagree with. Won't get into that but either way, a great resource and starting point for the AP lifestyle.

Then, an article on breastfeeding support called "The Simplest Breastfeeding Advice I Know" by an inspiring blogger Birthing Beautiful Ideas. If you have been around awhile, you know how I feel about this one. If you haven't been around for awhile, start here. I think this article can be applied to so much more than breastfeeding though. Being a new mom or even an expecting mom is so hard. Women need the encouragement and so often they don't get it. I am a very lucky woman and T has always been very supportive of and involved in making sure our breastfeeding relationships worked and lasted. He is a huge supporter of babywearing and developing secure attachment with our boys too. So, if you know a new mom or even an experienced mom, encourage her to keep breastfeeding. Encourage her that she is doing a great job. Its so important to success.

For baby wearing info, there is only one place to go, The Baby Wearer. Information on types of carriers, benefits, safety and even an awesome forum to connect with other like minded parents. Can't be beat.

If you are a baby wearing parent and you haven't seen this video... do. Its called Baby Mamas (Put a sling on 'em). Done to that crappy Beyonce song's tune, its campy. Its corny. Its hilarious.


Greeny:

For those of you wondering "Why go green?", Planet Green.com (a division of Discovery) has the answers for you. Check out the sublinks there for way more info than any of you probably care to read. If you do care though, there is some really great stuff there. The "By The Numbers" article blew me away!

For those of you that are thinking of, or already do, cloth diaper your little ones, the Diaper Jungle has an awesome information guide.They also have a ton of information about sewing your own diapers, reviews of brands, articles and a section devoted to helping WAHMs get their businesses out there.

For reviews of diapers and businesses there is Diaper Pin. I always check this site before I buy anything new or from a new company. Lots of good info. They have a sales and announcements section to that is worth checking out from time to time just to see whats on sale where.

If you are thinking, "why cloth", the Real Diaper Association has a totally awesome documented facts list (with sources) for you to peruse. It lists the reasons by factor and honestly, there are some that really compelling, and some that are kind of like... meh, who cares. Still though, a great resource.

Looking for a great, inexpensive green cleaner? We use hydrogen peroxide. Yep, like the stuff in your medicine cabinet. You can use it on just about anything, it disinfects and it gets things clean. What else could you ask for? Check here for a ton of uses and benefits. We also use the powdered form (sodium percarbonate) a ton too. I get the Sun brand because its super cheap and works wonders. I have used H2O2 on pretty much everything and have never been disappointed including occasional use on my diapers. Who says going green can't be cheap?

Of course, there some things we use vinegar on instead. Like our windows and glass, to unclog drains, greasy nasties and removing smells. It can be used as a rinsing agent in diapers as well to help break down the ammonia salts (from pee) and prevent build up. It is quite acidic though and doesn't disinfect like you sometimes need with two little kids running around.

Speaking of vingear, did you know that apple cider vinegar has a ton of health benefits? I know alot of you will say "ewwww" to it but trust me, the benefits are worth it (Meghan). I have used it to clear up sinus infections on myself and its like magic. I can feel a difference after one (very diluted) glass. It can be used to clean your hair, also called "No poo". It is a powerful, natural weight loss tool. Can be used to aid with things like diabetes and acid reflux too.

For general green information, check out Healthy Child, Healthy World. This is a great site if you are new to green or are trying to convince someone to be green. They have info on chemicals and their effects that will make your skin crawl. The blog section is always updated with the latest stories so its worth bookmarking. They also have a get involved section with tons of way for you to be active in trying to better the world inside and outside you community.

Safety:

First, a website called Keep Kids Healthy has a basic primer for new parents on keeping kids safe. Scary, but there are some people that don't even know the basics.

Second, an article from The Stir called "9 lifesaving Car Seat Rules You're Probably Ignoring". Guys, this is serious stuff. If you aren't using your car seat correctly, there could be dire consequences. I see so many kids and babies whose car seats aren't being used properly and it seriously scares me. Numbers 4 and 6 are the biggest culprits around here for sure. Take some time and check this one out even if you don't look at anything else.

Also, on the car seat front, there are a lot of websites and articles out there stressing the importance of keeping your kids rear- facing as long as possible. This is a pretty sensitive subject. There are people that insist their kid just isn't happy rear facing so they turn them ASAP, no matter what is safest. Then there are the people that think the other people should be ruled child abusers. I am somewhere in the middle. My kids are safest rear facing? Check, they will rear face as long as possible. I actually just replaced our seats in February after I totaled our van and bought the Radian XTSL for both boys (highly recommend them!). I had already turned D around before the wreck because he hit the weight limit of the one he was in but I still toy with turning him back to rear facing since the seat goes to 45lbs that way. Maybe one day I'll try it and see what he thinks. Anyway (sorry for the ramble, told you my brains are fried), Car Safety. org has a ton of info in general about car seats including this article about extended rear facing and its benefits. It also has a basic info page and an awesome FAQ page.

The internet was all a-buzz recently over baby wearing safety because of those stupid Infantino slings. Saying things that educated baby wearers had been saying for years about the bag type slings. As a matter of fact, the Infantino slings had been the bane of our existence so to speak. People would see you wearing your baby, and no matter what kind of carrier you were actually using, they would be all "You know those got recalled right? Baby wearing is dangerous." STFU unless you know what you are talking about people. For reals. Anyway, (sore spot much??) I thought I would share some info on safe baby wearing practices with you, so people can stop accosting me in the supermarket. Babywearing International has a great basic safety page that everyone that even carries their baby should read. They also have a newborn safety page that is great for new moms and dads that will be wearing their babies. The big lesson here is to always remember the rule "close enough to kiss" and keeping baby's chin up, not tucked in (both of which the evil Infantinos ignored). You should always be able to kiss your baby on the head without using your hands.


Ok, thats it for now. If you have any to share, please either email me or post them here. I love researching things to death and I love reading new things. I may even add them here.

Breastfeeding: Join the Boob-olution!

I love this video so I thought I would share. It made me giggle and its so true. Its so worth sticking with for so many different reasons.

Beginnings

This weekend marks a big milestone for both of my babies. It will be the beginning of D's last month as a two year old and the beginning for K's last month as an infant. See, their birthday's are the 14th (K) and the 15th (D) of next month. My toddler is all grown up and my baby will be a toddler in a months time. I have really been struggling with it this week for some reason. I am not ready to have two big boys. Even though the transition has already begun.


I was talking to D last night about some of his toys when it hit me that we were having an actual conversation. No more babble, no more short sentences or pointing and grunting. He is a little chatter box and isn't afraid to try big words. Then there is the tricycle and the start of "school". He is getting pretty deft at playing games on the computer and is learning new things all the time. He is no longer the baby that I used to rock for hours on end just snuggling close and smelling his smell. The snuggles are still pretty awesome but they are less and less as he grows and gains independence.

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Then there is little Mr. K, who is looking more and more grown up all the time. His proportions are less and less baby like. His body is getting ready to take off running. He stands at the coffee table that just months ago, was where he liked to nap on top of. He has his favorite toys and foods and people. His big brother is his idol. His temperament, even in the last month, has evened out and even though he still has his Hulk- baby moments, they are growing less as he is growing more. He is more social all the time too. Less and less all about his Mama, which of course slightly breaks my heart, but its good to see his relationship develop with others too. He is no longer the tiny little monkey that laid on my chest for so many hours in the hospital sleeping and nursing and sleeping and nursing. Now when he nurses, he is ready to go. Off on another baby adventure.

(click to enlarge)

I guess its just a crazy transition to do both at once. Not that I can really help that. Maybe its the fact that we may not have any more kids thats getting me. Maybe thats what makes it so hard for them to grow up. Or maybe its just that they are my little babies and maybe I will never see them as anything else. I am so proud of my little boys though. They are both such awesome little people already and I am loving seeing them transform into even better "bigger" people. This weekend is just the beginning of the adjustment. Its only going to get better from here.

World Breastfeeding Week

If you have been around long at all, you know that I am a big breastfeeding advocate. I love to talk about it and encourage other women. I am a CLC with my local women's center and WIC office and would love to someday become board certified. Its the one thing that women can do to protect their children from a myriad of illnesses and diseases. It is not something I talk about on my blog all too often but is something I am very passionate about. This week, along with the La Leche League International (LLL) and The World Alliance for Breastfeeding Action (WABA’s), I am celebrating World Breastfeeding week. I decided I would give you a look into our story.

Before I ever got pregnant with D, I started researching. I am one of those people that looks into everything almost to death. I love to know everything about whatever it is I am working on and babies were no exception. The more I read, the more I knew that breastfeeding was best for my babies and I became determined to make it work. I got pregnant in December of 2006 and was so excited. I immediately bought a million books and spent all of my time online reading and soaking in everything I could on the subject of birthing and breastfeeding. I had been a nanny for many years, so the rest didn't concern me. T was right there with me on it and was determined to support me. Our families, however, were not supportive. They were the typical, "you'll switch to formula quickly" and "how am I going to get to feed the baby" type of nay sayers. I mostly just ignored them all but there were times where I would call T at work bawling because some one had gone too far.

Nursing D on the jaundice light.

Fast forward till September and D was due. Then D was overdue. Eventually I ended up being induced for low fluid and there was concern he was getting too big. It was a fairly uneventful labor of just under ten hours. About 6 hours in, I opted for an epidural because the back labor plus the pitocin was intense. When I started to push, they realized two things. He was coming out sunny side up (face up) and he was quite large for a first baby. D entered the world in his own, upside down fashion, at a full 9lbs, 1oz on September 15th, 2007, 10:58pm. He was beautiful and perfect. He went straight to my breast like I had heard was so important and nursed until my placenta was born about twenty minutes later. Then they cut the cord and took him to check him out. Once we made it upstairs, I was exhausted but we kept right on with the nursing through the night and into the next morning. When the nurses would come in the kept saying that if he started losing too much, he would have to have formula. When jaundice set in, they told us he might have to have formula. I told them to kiss my ass. Five days later we went home with a healthy, at birth weight baby boy who had not tasted anything but my milk.

D was a happy nurser. He was always glad to see his supply when they appeared but hardly ever fussed for it. I chose to take it in stages. At first, I would be happy with 6 weeks, then it was 3 months, and 6 months and so on. As we sailed through those milestones with no sign of him giving it all up, I was optimistic we would make it my goal age of 2 years before we considered weaning.

In December of 2008, I got pregnant with K. That was a surprise but one that we were super excited about. It never crossed my mind that I would wean D while I was pregnant and thankfully, my midwife was all for us continuing. At that point, he was down to only nursing 3 or 4 times a day anyway. He never seemed to notice a drop in my supply or if he did, it didn't bother him. We did, however, face opposition again from our parents. The didn't see why it was so important to me to continue past 6 months much less past a year while pregnant. Then there were the crazies out in public who gave the strangest looks and said the rudest things. People really don't think before hey speak sometimes do they?

When I hit 32 weeks of pregnancy, D started to lose interest. Quickly. He would nurse here and there for a week but then he just stopped. I figured out that that is when my milk changed back to colostrum. I was still leaking a mix of both for weeks. Until about a week before K was born actually. Sigh. I was a mix of devastated and relieved. I wasn't ready for him to be done, but he had decided himself he was, so I knew I had done all I could.

My K, an hour old.

At 38 weeks gestation, I was induced again. There was concern about his size, and mine. (I was flipping huge people. It was almost comical.) I went into his birth determined, again, to have a natural delivery. This labor progressed even more quickly than the last. At 10:55 they started my labor. I took a nap for an hour and a half. Then, I was just starting to feel pain while talking to my bestie online. One expletive and five minutes later, I had a baby trying to slide out of me. I didn't even have to push, I just sat up. K made a pretty quick and dramatic entrance into the world, in true Hulk baby style on September 14th, 2009 at 1:38pm. After a just shy of 3 hour labor. Again, he went straight to my breast. He was another lotus baby and nursed until my placenta was born about fifteen minutes later. He was a lot more avid about it from the get go. He wanted boobs and he wanted them now. Eventually they took him away to clean and weigh him. 8lbs, 9oz. They were right, he would have been huge at 40 weeks.

While they were checking him out, they notice a tremor in his limbs that was indicative of low blood sugar. Many tests later and about an hour later, it was still low so off to the NICU we went. The next three days were a whirlwind of nursing and kangaroo care and heel pricks and tears and exhaustion but in the end, we left the hospital with a healthy, only breastfed little boy. He has always been a bit more pushy about nursing that D was. He has no patience in general so when he is hungry, he wants it now. Here we are almost 11 months later and I still have a little booby monster. Will we make it to two years? I think so. If we go farther, even better.

So, thats it. In short anyway. I have never been a shy nurser. Not a cover up for other peoples comfort (besides, I'm sorry but those nursing covers attract way more attention) or a hide in the other room type person. I have been lucky enough to have to awesome experiences with breastfeeding but I do know that sometimes, people aren't so lucky. It is, however, well worth the struggle. I see so many women through the WIC office that give up before it gets started and that makes me sad. I wish that everyone could experience the wonders of breastfeeding.

I would love to hear your story too in honor of WBW. Blog or comments. Please, though, don't come here and advocate the use of formula. Respect me and I will respect you.

An Update

I'm not sure if anyone remembers the lady that I met in the Irish Pub here in town a bit back. I just thought I would let you all know, that I did hear back from her. She called me early last week and told me that she had found my phone number on the napkin in her purse and decided to give me a call*. The good news: She is still nursing! She said she had finally told her husband to shut it and he pretty much had. She said he still wasn't what she would call supportive but that he at least wasn't as ugly to her anymore. She said her family had sort of laid off too. They mostly just don't mention anything "feeding the baby" related to her at all and it has been working out pretty well that way. They finally stopped dropping by with supplies, too.

The bad news: With all the stress and returning to work, her supply dropped quite a bit. She said she still had a little bit of milk in her freezer but she just wasn't pumping enough. I gave her the name of a few things that should help her boost her supply in general and shared some tips on improving what she gets from pumping but I also gave her the name of my lactation consultant supervisor and told her to try to get in touch with her. She mentioned thinking about supplementing with formula until she got it back up and I agreed. You can't let your baby starve, but I encouraged her to not give up on pumping unless she was ready to be done nursing and she said she would do everything she could.

So, thats it. Things are looking up for her! That is great news to me! Even with the impending threat of supplementation (which she doesn't want to do btw, its not just me being all crazy). I told her she was welcome to call me anytime and invited her to our playgroup but something tells me I won't hear from her again. Maybe it was something in the way she said bye or maybe its just the inevitable cycle I already see coming. If I do, though, I'll let you know!

(*I did ask her about blogging this and she said it was fine, just not to use her name.)

CNN breastfeeding report

If you have not read it yet, DO. You can read it HERE. It reports on things that the breastfeeding community has known for years. Some how having a major new source has validated it and people are starting to actually listen! The benefits to breastfeeding your baby are astounding and the argument that formula is "just as good" is taking hit after hit here recently. Babies are dying of illnesses that can be lessened or eradicated just be breastfeeding. Especially in premature babies. Granted there are women out there who actually can not breastfeed but those reasons are so few and far between.  As women we need to stand together and encourage each other to breastfeed for the health of our babies. We also, however, need our health care system to get behind us as well. I consider this article a call to action! Who is with me??

*sigh* and *gasp* and *sigh* again.

Today, even though its early still, has been such a ride of emotions. Started out good enough. I slept in with K and T came and took D to school. Once K and I got up we went to Target for some last minute Easter supplies and then to pick up his big brother. Argued with T over the phone about something or another. Was late to preschool. Again. Same as usual I suppose.

After I picked up D from his class we went down to visit my mom, who works just down the hall, and she was talking about how she was hungry and wanted to go get something to eat. I was game since I had not remembered to eat yet and we agreed to head over to the new Irish pub across the street. We got there and got seated and I noticed a woman sitting in a booth a few down from us and saw her little baby and smiled. She looked young to me but like she had the baby thing down. The baby, a little girl, was obviously a young baby, maybe a month old, but a total cutie. We went on about our lunch, which was less than adequate for the record, and my mom and me caught up on the last few days.

As I finished my lunch, I looked up and saw that the woman was now nursing her little one, something that always gives me that warm fuzzy feeling. Hooray for boobies! She looked up and caught my eye and I smiled at her. She quickly looked away and got red in the face. Not an unusual response. One I get pretty often. I got up in a few minutes to go to the bathroom and noticed she was alone. When I got to her booth I stopped and simply said "Good for you nursing your baby girl! She is so worth it, huh?". Thats when things took a turn.

The woman looked at me, smiled and then burst into tears. I'm talking crocodile tears rolling down this woman's face. I was flabbergasted. I had no idea what I had said to her to make her cry and I almost just walked away. Almost. Instead I told her I was sorry and asked what was wrong. She tried to gather herself and apologized profusely and pulled a "its nothing really" on me. I sat down across from her and asked if everything was going well with nursing and all that goes along with it. Explained about the CLC thing I am doing and asked if I could help with anything. She assured me that nursing was going well.

"Its just, when I saw you staring, I though you were going to be angry. I just knew you were going to tell me I shouldn't be nursing here."

"Why on earth would you think that??"

"My family and my husband think that what I am doing is disgusting and they refuse to be around when I nurse her. I guess all that negativity has made me paranoid." She shrugged.

Flabbergasted again. She went on to tell me about how her husband had left her at the hospital because she wouldn't cave and give the baby formula and how he had stopped insulting her about it but he still refused to sit with her in public. He told her that she was disgusting and that he didn't want the whole world to see him with her while she nursed. He had apparently been sitting with her when we sat down to eat but left before she nursed her little one to "save face". I had not even noticed the bastard. She said her mother was constantly bringing formula cans by "for when she gets real" and telling her she is being immature.

I was so hurt for this woman. How could anyone be so heartless to treat someone they love that way? To make them feel cheap and dirty for doing something so innocent? Not even considering the benefits of breastfeeding but just the emotional abuse this woman is going through. Maybe its linked to never being "enough" as a child, or maybe it really is the lactivist in me, but who is going to stand up here and say that it isn't okay for her to be discriminated against by her own family? The people that are supposed to be there for her no matter what. What is wrong with people??

Maybe I am spoiled. I am lucky enough to have a husband that supports me fully in nursing. He did his own research and agreed that it was the best thing for us as a family and he has been there for me every step of the way. He was my rock those long first nights when it would have been simpler just to give them formula. He stood up for me when our families told us I was selfish for nursing and vehemently disagreed when they pulled the "formula is just as good" card. He puts his babies first and supports me when I have to feed in the most public of places. He is my rock. How could a man that loved me not be? I count my lucky stars every day. Today it will be double.

I commended her again for having the guts to stand up to him about doing what is best for her baby. I told her stories about getting nasty looks and comments about nursing D (a toddler *gasp*) while I was obviously pregnant with K (double *gasp*). I shared the struggles I have had with my family and how we all had to compromise to make sure my babies got to breastfeed. I gave her my phone number and my email address and urged her to give me a call. I left feeling raw inside. Feeling angry. I gave her my support the best I could but something tells me that this poor woman will eventually cave. To the pressure or her husband or family or even to just the general vibe non nursing mothers put off. They say the breastfeeders are the judgmental ones but in reality they are the ones who cause the problems. They are here and they are for so many women. The judgement for doing something outside of their own comfort zone.

So, here I sit, still processing. Wondering what I should have said or done differently. How I could have helped her better. Did she even want to be helped? I do know that I would still have said something to her, just like I always do, so does it matter that I caught her in a moment of weakness? Maybe not but I can hope that maybe, just maybe, it meant something to her to know she isn't alone. That there are people out there that think she is awesome. At least for the little bit of time we spent talking.  I guess we will see.


*Notice~ Blogger comments aren't working tonight for some reason. Some kind of glitch. If your comments please try again later! I love reading them but blogger is freaking out!