Happiest of Birthdays to Me!

Today, I turned 32. Scary thing, 32. Still, I could not have asked for a better birthday. Considering how bad the last few years have gone, there wasn't really much competition. I spent the morning with my boys hanging out and opening presents. D insisted I had to have a party crown so I dug out my mother's old homecoming queen crown to wear for the morning's festivities. We had birthday cake for breakfast and then I opened the presents the boys and my mother had gotten me.

My favorite part of the morning though, was the boys' singing me happy birthday and then helping me blow out my candles. *swoon*


After we messed around the house for awhile we got dressed and went to our favorite restaurant for lunch. The boys call it the "fire restaurant" but its actually a Japanese steak house. As we stuffed ourselves silly, D leaned over and told me I was his best friend in the whole wide world and I nearly broke down in tears. These boys definitely know how to make their Mama feel special. 

After lunch, I went shopping with my father. That's right ladies and gents, my father voluntarily took me shopping for clothes. Four stores later, something tells me he regretted getting himself into that situation. I kid. He helped me find some great new work/ interviewing clothes and for that I am so grateful. With money as tight as it is and with all the weight I've lost, my closet is a bit scary. 

Not the best picture but its new!!

When I got home from shopping with my dad, I had a couple of surprises waiting for me. Actually, the delivery man was just getting out of his truck to give one to me. Talk about service! Anyway, I got the most beautiful bouquet of flowers from a close friend that is out of town for my birthday and let me tell you what, I haven't cried like that in awhile. Happy tears but totally unexpected tears. 

Gorgeous, Right??

I also got a beautiful plant and gift card for a mani/ pedi from a close friend of the family and a new bathroom rug (which was quite needed) from my mother. 
I am so blessed to have such amazing friends and family that have made my birthday special. From Facebook posts and emails to flowers and gifts, there is no doubt in my mind that I am loved this year. Its such a wonderful feeling and it has certainly made my birthday rich and happy. Happiest of birthdays to me! 

My Little Boys #WW

These boys. They are my whole world. They have shown me how to love and how to grow. They have shown me how to stay young even when I feel my oldest. To let things go and to forgive, even when it wasn't warranted. They keep me strong and keep me fighting for the right causes. They keep me grounded and keep my hurting heart in check. Sometimes, love just isn't a big enough word for what I feel for them.

Alive! Expo is Coming in Atlanta for All your Green Living Needs!

Alive! Expo, the Southeast’s only and longest-running natural products, green living & total wellness

event will return to the Georgia World Congress Center on May 4th and 5th.  My father and I attended this expo last year and got some great information on all the things that Atlanta and beyond has to offer in the health, wellness, and green living arena. The Alive! expo features health & wellness industry experts, eco companies and natural product manufacturers, fitness and cooking demonstrations, kids’ fitness stations, live health lectures and over 100 vendors so there is definitely something for every one.

“In the nine years that we’ve been producing Alive! Expo, we’ve seen Atlanta become increasingly interested in seeking wellness through a natural and organic approach to a healthy lifestyle,” says Alive! Expo founder and owner Patrycja Siewert Towns. “This means people are seeking out more 'whole foods' from local farmers and product manufacturers but also seeking preventative measures and natural alternatives for health issues; this excitement and interest is palpable at each Alive! Expo and this year will be more engaging than ever.”

At the event, natural and eco product companies will interact with consumers and buyers for local natural food stores; give the latest advice, product samples and information directly to the event attendees. Additionally, there will be wellness lectures, cooking classes, massage stations and fitness demonstrations all weekend long.  Ex Atlanta Falcons fullback, Ovie Mughelli, will once again join Alive! Expo with the “Ovie Mughelli Foundation’s “Recycle on the Run” exhibit, where kids run drills and learn about the importance of fitness, wellness and recycling and being eco friendly.

This year also, a portion of ticket proceeds from Alive! Expo will benefit Project Green, a non-profit founded by Patrycja Siewert Towns, and other non-profits soon to be announced. Project Green is a 501c3 whose mission is to protect green space for future generations and invest in “A Green Tomorrow”. Project Green will develop “Back to Basic” Summer Camps for under-served children and teens. These eco-camps will focus on building self-esteem and awareness of the environment by incorporating challenging and fun activities.

Attendees are encouraged to bring canned food items to the Alive! Expo which will be donated to the Atlanta Food Bank and Hosea Feed the Hungry; the organizations for which Alive! Expo collected over 2,000 pounds of food at last year’s event and over 10,000 pounds of food over the past years.

Event Information

Date/ Times:

Saturday, May 4, 2013 from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. and Sunday, May 5, 2013 from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m

Address:

Georgia World Congress Center, Hall A2 (across from Philips Arena) 285 Andrew Young Intl Blvd, Atlanta, GA 30313

Ticket Information:

Available at www.AliveExpo.com, One-day General Admission is $10 at the door or $5 in advance online. Active Military and Kids (ages 16 and under) are invited to attend for free. A discounted parking coupon is also available through www.AliveExpo.com

Dirty Girl Fun

I did it! I got my dirty girl on! Let me tell you, I definitely got dirty.

I started out clean.

I did not, however end it clean. 

Yep, there is Georgia red mud on me from head to toe. It was glorious! 

Running Time

Amen.

The training has officially begun. Well, technically it started a few weeks ago but who's counting. The Dirty Girl Mud Run is coming up way faster than I expected it to for sure which means its time to put my money where my mouth is and get down to business.

The goal on the 2013 list was to be able to run 5k. I am not so sure that is going to happen this go around. I am pounding it out and training my booty off but I am also having some unexpected issues with my ankles.

Still, the first step was to get myself into good enough shape to even attempt to run again. I have lost some weight sure but that doesn't mean you just up and run further than the mailbox and back. So, I have been doing some heavy lifting at the gym under the guidance of a trainer and slowly but surely, I am getting those trim muscles back. I guess there really is something to memory muscle after all.

This past week I have done my first stints on the treadmill doing some interval running. Think couch to 5k on a much different scale. I was never a distance runner. I was a sprinter. So, I can do the quick parts quickly but then I am worn out. Instead I am trying to build up the longer stretches of endurance in my lungs and my legs that will be required for distance running. Not as easy as it sounds. Turns out that while muscle memory can be good, it can also be a real pain in the butt. Its like starting from scratch with legs that want to GO and then STOP and then be DONE.

Still, progress is progress and its being made, albeit slowly. I am kind of hoping that since the Dirty Girl is an obstacle race it will be a little easier on my "style". Run a little, climb a little, run a little, crawl in the mud a little.

Have I mentioned how excited I am about this race?

Getting Started on Our Container Garden

This year, we have a porch/ yard large enough to start ourselves a nice container garden. Container gardens are great for people who rent (like me) or who have limited good soil in their yards, or even for people who can't commit a ton of time to their gardens. I had one the last time I lived in a house and I loved having fresh herbs and tomatoes around all the time.

This year, I have been trying to get it planned out to get the most out of the space we have and to yield the maximum amount of crop. Not easy. I did finally narrow down the list of herbs and vegetables that we are going to go for. I tried to stick with the things we will get the most use out of or that we can can or freeze if we get a lot more than that.

For herbs its best to stick with the varieties that will do best growing in smaller pots or fill in one big pot with several varieties. That way they don't take over and you are less likely to grow more than you could ever use. We will be growing cilantro, mint, lemon balm, rosemary, and chives. The lemon balm will actually be going in the ground but the others we will be planting in small containers and growing in the kitchen window to keep the bugs and weather off them.

Image Source

The fruits and vegetables will be a little more labor intensive. Most vegetables grow best in a 5 gallon pot or bucket while fruits will do much better in the ground. So we are going to split them up. Granted, we will be doing mostly veggies and tomatoes so that won't be too hard. The things that will actually be going into containers are tomatoes, blueberries, carrots, and eggplant. The blueberries will be going by our front door but the rest will go on the back porch.

The fruits that we will be planting in the yard will be a couple of blackberry bushes and perhaps a raspberry variety too. I would love to plant a lemon tree but they tend to take years before they bear any fruit and since we are renting, that is a hard commitment to make.

So, that's the plan! This weekend we hit up the gardening stores to gather supplies until it comes time to plant out doors. We have to gather the pots, fertilizers and soil but we also need to invest in some bird wire and I would love to make us a compost bin but we will see if I can get that working in time. Wish me luck!

Are you a gardener? Do you have any tips or advice?

Liquidambar Styraciflua

Spiky Ball of the Devil

Aka Sweetgum tree. If you have ever lived in the South East with one of these trees in the yard, or in your neighbors yard, or in a park close by, or really anywhere, you know what a Sweetgum ball is. Those prickly little brown balls that fall from the Sweetgum trees by the billions every time the slightest wind blows. Making your yard look like a real life Minesweeper game. Tiny little angry balls of hard spikes all over, some sitting out in plain sight, some covered by leaves for you step on while wandering the yard barefoot and scream like you've been stabbed. Which you have been. By a Sweetgum ball.

I actually did a little research on this tree this weekend because there is a huge Sweetgum tree in our front yard and we are endlessly stepping on them or they get stuck in Bob's paw and he hobbles around until we dig them out for him (its pretty hilarious actually). Basically though, I wanted to know if there was anything I could do to make the huge tree in our yard stop shedding these little balls of knives. Turns out there is nothing that can be done.

At least they are pretty in the fall.

It also turns out that they are actually kind of neat trees. (*pushes up glasses with finger*). Sweetgum trees are aromatic and the balls of knives are actually its flower. Cruel little flowers but flowers nonetheless. Each "flower" can house up to 50 seeds which means they are pioneer plants and tend to grow their own little forests if allowed. They house Luna and Prometheus moths. They also feed and house a crazy variety of fungus and animals for a tree.

Needless to say, that kind of took the wind out of my sails about hacking the thing down. I guess we will learn to live with the little balls. Or wear shoes. You know, for the sake of the wilderness and all.

A Mother's Love

Is it possible to love your children too much? It was said about me that I love my boys too much by someone I had never actually met. As odd as that seemed at the time, I take that as a compliment. My boys are my life. They are my blood. My legacy. Should they not be my biggest love?

(Via Pinterest)

I look at those little boys and all I see is love. They stole my heart at first glance and that bond has only gotten stronger as the years go by. In the most pure and powerful sense. Should I not protect that? Shouldn't I listen to my most primal instincts as a mother? To love them most and shape them into the kind of little boys that the world needs so desperately?

How else do you show a child how to love but to love them and care for them in the way you want them to treat others? As a mother, I signed up to raise them the very best way and then stand back and watch them give that love away to their own children some day.

Its a bond that is not possible to be shared with any one else. Its not the kind of thing that you can feel for a husband or a parent or even a friend. Its definitely not something you can explain to the childless. Its like that corny quote says, they are the only ones that know what my heart sounds like from the inside. We know each other, and love each other differently, because of that.

Maybe sometimes people can't differentiate the difference between the way a woman loves her children and the way she loves every one else. It doesn't mean we love anyone else less, just not the same primal kind of force. Just because love is different, doesn't mean its less.

My children are my biggest priority. They are the reason I try my best to excel even when things are so hard it literally hurts my bones. I have to make their lives amazing. I have to raise the bar of love beyond their parents childhood's and histories. I want them to have everything we had and more. Its a responsibility I signed up for when I gave birth and its not one I shrink away from. I will defend their right to not only my love but those around us just as well.

Love is a powerful thing. Love has the power to heal and nurture and to free. Its something that shouldn't be shied away from or hidden. It has the power to change the the world and who best to show it to but our children?

Home Made Gummies #HomemadeConvenience

For the first installment of the home made convenience foods that I promised last week, I figured we could start with the snacky type stuff and work our way up to the foods eventually. Convenience snacks, especially those for kids, are a huge money hole. Even with coupons they are generally much more expensive that the kind you can make yourself and they don't contain all the nastiness that the store bought ones do. Plus, you can get your kid involved in making them with you and they might learn a little something themselves.

I will say this though, don't go crazy making huge batches of this type of thing. It is different with the foods that you can freeze and keep fresh but if you make a gazillion pounds of home made gummies, and your kids don't eat them withing a month, you have to throw them out and you've wasted money. These are quick and easy, you should be able to make them every other week.

Now, I have said before I am crazy about ingredients but we are not vegetarians. So if you are, this recipe may not work for you. If you are vegan, it definitely won't work. Why? Because of the gelatin required to make these set. I did do a little Google- ing though and found this vegan recipe that looks almost as easy and uses no animal by-products.

Ok, time to gather your ingredients. If you are thrify like me, you should be able to get this stuff for pennies. Even if you aren't into the coupon thing, its maybe a couple of dollars. Here is a pretty good place to stock up like I was talking about.

What you'll need:

1/3c Frozen 100% juice concentrate
2-3 .5 oz envelopes of unflavored gelatin (found in the canning or jelly aisle)
Silicone mold

I usually buy variety of flavors and make two flavors at a time. I also almost always buy the Old Orchard brand because it has a lid that you can reseal. 1/3c is only about 2.5 oz and the juice is sold in 11 oz cans so being able to reseal it or transfer it to another container to keep in the freezer is a must. You could always just make juice with whats left too.

Your mold can be any size you wish your gummies to be but I tend to prefer smaller ones. You can usually find them in bakery stores or Walmart pretty easy.

Once you gathered your ingredients, get out a pot, put your juice concentrate in it, and then sprinkle the gelatin over the cold concentrate. Let it sit for a few minutes before you turn on the heat. I'm not sure why this makes a difference but it totally does. Science!

After it has sat for a few minutes, put the pot over medium heat and stir until the gelatin has completely dissolved. Then, pour or spoon it into your molds. I have heard of people pouring the liquid into a measuring cup with a spout to make this easier but I am too lazy to dirty another dish for gummies so I use a spoon and it works great.

Let them cool and set on the counter until they release from the mold easily and enjoy! I portion them out in to tiny plastic Ziploc bags (get them in the jewelry section) so they are more convenient to carry and portion out.

Personally, the boys and I like these a lot more than the store bought gummies. They have more flavor and a better texture. I think your kids will find the same and you will have saved money and made their snack a little healthier! Next time, I'll share my fruit leather recipe. Its a similar snack but a little more labor intensive.  A very little.

Let me know if you try these and what your favorite flavor is!

Home Made Convenience Foods

I am a cheap person. I am also generally funny about the things my kids eat. Too many chemicals and nastiness in the world around us and I like to try to cut down on as much of it as I can. Of course  I am also a very busy single working mother. Which means that I don't have the time or wherewithal to come up with a five star hot meal for my boys on a regular basis and it would be so easy to turn to the middle store that I try so desperately to avoid for most things.

Img via RealNetta

Now, don't get me wrong, there are certain things that I will not make myself or things that it would be way more trouble or expensive than it is to just buy the store brand. Like cereal. Not going to be making my own Chex. Sorry kids.

I do, however, try to make as many things as I can to cut down on things like HFCS and artificial food dyes. Those are the two biggies for me. If it has it, I ain't buyin'. Just say no to Fruit Loops.

I had gotten kind of lax about my rules in 2012 because I simply had bigger things to worry about unfortunately. The thing is, when you are otherwise distracted or occupied, its so easy to turn back to old habits and just grab that box of premade gummies to throw at your kids as a snack. Or heat up that frozen pizza instead of having to actually think about whats for dinner.

Now though, I am back at it and I want to share with you some of the things that make our little world a better, healthier place. My goal is to post a healthy convenience food replacement every week or two but we will just have to see how all that pans out.

Of course there are a lot of big duh kind of things that I really shouldn't have to mention (but I will) to cutting out chemical laden convenience foods.

For instance:

•  Making homemade soup or lasagna? Make two, freeze one for another day and eat one fresh. 
• Firing up the grill? Throw a bunch of chicken breasts on there and freeze them so you will have them if you need them. 
• Make a huge batch of spaghetti sauce at once and freeze it into a muffin tin in one cup portions and transfer them to a baggie when they are solid so all you have to do is grab as many "cups" as you need for your meal.
• Buy your basics in bulk. Flour, sugar, quinoa, etc. Is usually much cheaper bought in bulk and you don't have to worry so much about making bigger batches of things. 
• Butter is stupid easy to make. So is whipped cream. Get your kids in on it. Seriously.

So, that should be enough to get you started in theory. I will be back with some actual recipes for my tried and true type of home made convenience foods. Hopefully it will inspire both you and me to make more changes for the better. For the health of our families!

2013 List

Back story: Every year for the last 9 years, I have had a list of things to accomplish. For the last 3 I have blogged about them for you all to see, learn from, or hold against me (2010, 2011, 2012). Hopefully more the last two than the last. Still, the premise is simple: 12 things, 12 months, 12 posts.

Last year, I did not complete my list. It makes me really sad to admit that but I suppose you win some, you lose some. Last year was not what I had expected of it any way. In reality, there were only tow things that I missed though and that isn't too bad considering. I didn't get to have my dinner party and we didn't go on a family bike ride. Rules are rules though and since they didn't happen last year, they get tagged on to the 2013 list.

This year, though, I decided to make the focus of my yearly list a little different. I want to focus on more lifestyle things. Things that will better my boys and I in the long run versus smaller things that are fun to do in the moment. If that makes sense. You can see that I have a few things on this years list that will be harder on my heart, both mentally and physically, than I will ever admit but I know that they have to happen. Of course there are things that we will have considerable fun doing as well.

1. Get divorced. Officially. It breaks me to admit that where I was so desperately in love this time last year, I am simply prepared for the end of my marriage. To move on.

2. Get a working vehicle. The van that we bought when I wrecked my old van is in T's name and is not in safe, working order. He won't fix it and I won't fix someone elses car. Stalemate. The boys and I need transportation and soon.

3. Make more connections in the blogging world. Fact is: I love doing it and its something fulfilling that pays me back in its own off beat ways. I would love to attend a blogging conference or two. In fact, I may already have one on the line. Cheating? Maybe. And? Still exciting and still hasn't happened yet so it makes the list.

4. Get K involved in a sport or activity of some sort. My poor littles is so very clumsy but I really think he would just adore doing something outside the house. D had this spot on the 2012 List but this year it is K's turn. Of course I will continue to keep D in T-ball but soccer just wasn't his thing.

5. Get my life organized! I am in serious need of getting my life in order. We have moved so many times in the last 8 years that everything has been shuffled around in boxes and not looked at since. Its time to pull out those boxes and do some serious housekeeping. Everything from papers to decorations to toys needs to be sorted and put back in its proper place.

6. Get my sewing machine fixed. This is a big one for me. I have mentioned it before but I am a rather tall lady. Tall = no store bought clothing that doesn't cost an arm and a leg. I would love to be able to make myself some girly skirts and tops that would actually be long enough. Its a stupidly simple thing that would mean a lot to me at least.

7. Train for a marathon. Yes, me. The arthritic, helpless old lady. More and more I am reading and being told by doctors that taking back up my old habit of running might actually do some good on these old bones. Add in the bonus of having more energy and a clearer mind state and I can't resist. As far as actually running a marathon, I would love to but I can't exactly financially commit to something that I might not be able to complete. Who knows though, maybe it will happen!

8. Take my boys on a trip by myself. It be Chattanooga or Black Rock we need an adventure to help center us back on each other. Without distractions or interference.

9. Take a class to better myself. Self defense seems like a logical choice but I would also love to renew my CPR/ First Aid certification or take a photography class of some sort. Who knows what it will end up being but I want it to definitely be something that will have impact.

10. Cut out caffeine. For about 10 years when I was in high school and beyond, I had cut out caffeine completely. It literally wasn't until D was born that I started drinking it again and it has slowly taken over again. I know its bad for me and I know its going to be so hard to cut out but I really think it will make me feel better to just cut it out.

11. Go on a family bike ride. Of course, everyone but me has a bike though so this is kind of a two part type deal. First: Buy me a bike. Second: Family bike ride. Bonus: Take a picnic. (2012 leftover)

12. Host a dinner party. I don't care if its just a few people or a hundred. The last gathering we had at our house was after a funeral and its time to correct that juju. Plus, its time to put some of those Pinterest ideas to work! (2012 leftover)

So what do you think? Think we will be able to get it all done? Say no so its more of a challenge. Heh. Here we go ladies and gents, lets render this mama to the moon!

The Morning After Heartbreak #NewtownCT

Yesterday, we got quite a shock. An unimaginable horror story played out in one of our quiet towns. What can be said at this point that hasn't already been said? I can't imagine that kind of evil. I can't imagine any one feeling that something like this is the answer. Mental illness is a hard one to predict.

Meanwhile, my heart is broken. Broken for the families of the slain children and faculty. Broken for the witnesses. Broken for the whole community. I held my boys extra tight yesterday. We snuggled and watched movies and played in the yard with the dog. We ate special snacks like it was a birthday. Occasionally I would sneak off to the bathroom and bawl my eyes out until I could hardly breathe.

After I got K down for his nap, my D curled up beside me on the couch and asked me why I was sad. I told him that my heart hurt and I was worried about some people that needed some extra love today. He simply told me he would kiss away my boo boo and kissed me all over my face. I am so lucky to have these little boys.

People keep saying that innocence was lost but I disagree. Innocence was shattered. Hunted down and ripped away. To say something is lost implies that it has simply gone astray with the possibility of being found again. While I would hope that is possible, I just don't think it is in this situation.

I do agree that the teachers and staff were heroic in protecting the young ones. Just like they are every day. Teachers in general are a special breed of human, you guys. Its a self less mostly thankless profession of people that genuinely care about our children. Otherwise they would not be there. Lord knows they could make more money doing something else. Thank your kids teachers. They love your littles too.

So what now?


Kiss your babies for me tonight. Hug them until you feel their heartbeats and memorize that feeling. Tell them that you love them and mean it. Show them how to love. Do it every. single. day. Raise them to know love of all forms. Even when it is hard to do.

Call your mother, your sister, your nieces and nephews. Tell them you love them. Make them know it. Make sure that you have told them what they mean to you specifically.

Treat the people you meet with overwhelming kindness. Go the extra mile. Hold a door, buy a coffee, share a kind word to the people that you meet. You never know who might need it most.

Now is the time to come together and change this crazy train ride. We are all in this together. Remember the hurt you felt in your heart when you heard about Newtown and vow to change the world we live in. Not by persecution or by mistrust but by kindness and love. Help and be helped. Love without bounds. We can do this. Deep breath, here we go.


*Reports of shootings and tragic circumstances can trigger overwhelming distress, even in people not directly involved. If you are in need of help, the Disaster Distress Helpline offers 24/7 support at 1-800-985-5990.

RAK in November: Week Four

*If you need a refresher on what on Earth I am talking about, go HERE first... 30 things in 30 days is the goal.

This week:

-We got a big bag of sugar free candy and the boys had fun handing it out at the nursing home. The residents loved getting treats and seeing the boys. The boys love going to the nursing home and having so many "grandparents" that love them.

-We took the boys' old coats to a local children's home (Open Door). The combination of the normal warm winters and the way these two grow meant their old coats were in new condition. Hopefully another child will get more wear out of them.

-We took some of the boys' baby toys to the preschool for the baby class to enjoy. It was hard for K to let go of some of the things he thought were really cool but he got to play with the babies for a bit and that made it all better. K loves babies.

-I dropped of a box of old women's magazines at the local health department. Last time I was in there getting D's EED for school, all the magazines were from 2005. They were in serious need of some new reading material.

-I gave the boys both a pack of silly bands and set them loose to hand them out to the other kids on the playground. They were both a little shy at first about it but they made lots of friends!

-While we were at the playground, we took a walk around the park and I picked up some of the trash that people had thrown on the ground. People are gross. Seriously.

-I let the boys pick out 10 coloring books and crayons and we took them to the Children's hospital that has always been so good to us (CHOA).

We did a lot more running around this week than we usually do but it was all worth it. I'll admit too though that we did a few at once. We also got some of the clutter out of the house, which kind of takes away from the selflessness  little. Oh well. Did you do and RAKing this week?

Thankful 4.0

Every year I post on Thanksgiving about the things I am thankful for. I am generally a very gracious kind of person. My needs are few and I am beyond grateful for anything anyone throws my way. This year, though, has been quite a doozey on me and my emotional state. Its been full of ups and downs and twists and turns. I'm not gonna lie, being thankful has been harder for me this year than it has been in the past.

However, I am still thankful. Maybe even more so than I ever have been. I am thankful for my little boys this year more than ever before. They have been my driving purpose. My comfort and my warmth. Even the reason I got out of the bed for awhile. They have always known how to make me smile when I was down and make me forget my troubles. This year they have been my purpose. Everything I have done and worked towards has been done with a renewed purpose to better their lives (please don't let my babies suffer other's mistakes anymore). Without those two little smiling faces I would have been a lost person in every sense of the word. I thank everything that is for them.

Then there has been the support crew. My mother and father, who have been divorced for 13 years and hadn't spoken in 10, came together to help my boys and I out. They have done everything from supporting us financially while I found a job to giving us shelter when we had no where else to go to supporting me emotionally and lifting me up when I could hardly bear to breathe. They have held my hand while I faced the kind of meanness I never thought I would have to endure and stayed by my bed while I was recoverign from various ailments.

Its something that I suppose you expect from parents but until you witness it, until you witness that kind of love, you never know just how much you need your parents. I am thankful that they have been able to put aside their differences and take care of us in a way, even thought they shouldn't have had to, that only a parent could.

Of course there were the friends old and new that I am oh so thankful for as well. One of them, Lisa, I have known since I moved to Georgia a billion (okay 15) years ago. We have been friends since then, with periods where we didn't talk as much and periods where we talked more. We got married with in a few months of each other and our boys are all with in months of each other in age (she also has a little miss that's the baby). She was one of the first people I told when T walked out and she was immediately supportive. Ever since she has been there to help out when I needed someone to watch my boys or to read my ranty text messages about love and hate. She has been my sounding board. Heck, her husband even stayed up til 3am to help us move. Needless to say, I am beyond grateful for her and her family.

I am also thankful for all of the other friends both in real life and online that have helped to life me up out of a hole and keep me moving forward. If necessary with hot pokers. There are too many to mention but you know who you are. You are the ones actually reading this. You are the ones that didn't back down and disappear when I needed you most like so many others did. When I needed an ear or someone fresh to cry at when I had cried everyone else out. You helped us with money, you helped us with words, and most of all love. I am so blessed to have each and every one of you.

Of course I have to be thankful for Bob too. Sweet Bob. I honestly don't know who rescued who at this point. Bob came to us at a time when I needed someone 24/7 and the boys needed a playmate. Someone to talk to, someone to cry on, someone to give me a purpose in the middle of the night. Bob has always been a "mama's dog". He follows me around the house watching me clean or cook or whatever. If I am sad, he will come and put his face on me or just lean up against my leg and look up at me. He knows when I need love and he rubs around and around my legs like a cat until sit down and then he will just lay his head either on my shoulder or on my lap for some love or stand there while I lay my head on his shoulder. He also loves the boys like he loves me but he is much more gentle. He loves K in particular and is always very patient with him when he is doing things like poking q-tips in Bob's ears and proclaiming him an alien. He isn't a good guard dog but damn is he a good dog.

There always the little things in life to be thankful for too. I am thankful for a roof when we were so scared we wouldn't have one there for awhile. Even if it was a piece together job there for awhile. I am thankful for my landlord for taking us in and helping us out. I am thankful for food even if it means a little hand up. I am thankful for kind looks from strangers when the boys are losing it in a store and all I can do is cry. I am thankful for my job. I am thankful for you. For my readers. For being patient with me.

I went from being broken and feeling like I had nothing to be thankful for this past winter to having more to be thankful for than my heart could hold. I hope that this Thanksgiving is the same for you. I hope that you can look back over the last year and be even more thankful than you were the last. If not, I hope that the next year brings you closer to it.

Happy Thanksgiving. Now go eat some turkey and take a nap. Tomorrow starts a whole new ball game of crazy. Here comes Christmas. Ready or not.

RAK in November: Week Three

*If you need a refresher on what on Earth I am talking about, go HERE first... 30 things in 30 days is the goal.

This week:

-We sent a huge plate of cookies in to the office staff of the Boys’ preschool. They sent back a very sweet note, thanking the boys’ for the goodies. One for the baby albums!


-We took Bob’s old crate and a bag of food and donated it to the adoption agency (SEGA) that we got him from. Bob even got to go and hang out with some of his kind. Turns out he is pretty fast when in running with another hound.

-I dropped a couple of old cell phones and another huge plate of cookies off at the Domestic Violence center close to home.

-I took the old lady across the street’s mail and newspaper to her door. I was nervous about bothering her mail without asking but she was very appreciative. Turns out she has OA as well and her daily trip to the mailbox is a lot rougher on her than it is on me. I told her I would try to get it more often for her and she gave me a hug. RAK win!

-I gave one of my old USB drives to a friend at work. She is forever having me scan things and email them to another co-worker who has to print, edit and then rescan and email for her classes and this way she can just save them to the drive and hand them over. Easy peasy.

-I kept a girlfriend’s kids so she could go use a spa certificate that was about to expire. She was so sad she wasn’t going to get to use it and was thrilled when I offered to keep them. It was a full house! She has five kids!

-I pushed the little old lady across the street’s trash can to the curb for her. It was something she had mentioned the other day and it took me three seconds. She got a double dose this week!

Two more weeks left! Lets see what else we can do!

RAK in November: Week two

*If you need a refresher on what on Earth I am talking about, go HERE first...

This week was our first full week of acts of kindness. I'll admit, I almost forgot a couple of times. I also did a couple of them the same day. Still, 30 things in 30 days is the goal.

This week:

• I brought my mother a coffee and doughnut after I dropped the boys off at school. Is it cheating to do a RAK for a family member? I don't think so. She was glad to see me and glad for the breakfast.
• The boys and I took the leftover Halloween candy down to the Ronald McDonald house down by the hospital where they were born. They were excited to get all dressed up in their costumes and hand out candy to the staff and family members that were there. We left the rest of the bag for the families coming home from the hospital.
• I tucked a few dollar bills into the toy bins at the Dollar store here in town. The hope is that a child will find the dollar and get to buy themselves something special. I didn't have time to stick around and find out what happened exactly though.
• We gathered up some cans of veggies and fruit that we had in the house and took them to a local food bank. We don't have much to spare but I do realize that there are people out there way worse off than us.
• I let a woman with a cart full of groceries go in front of me and the boys at the store. Even though we only had a few items, her newborn was crying and I have so been there.
• I went through mine and the boys' clothes and donated a bunch to a local battered womens shelter. Some of these women leave with nothing but their children and the clothes on their backs. God bless them.
• I sent some homemade pumpkin butter to the boys' teachers. Just because they take such great care of them and the boys love them so much.

So, not a bad week, right? I guess some days were better than others but the idea is just to get into the habit of doing kind things for other people, just because. Have you been doing the challenge? Hows it going?

RAK in November: Week One

*If you need a refresher on what on Earth I am talking about, go HERE first...

Ok, to be fair, this week is a particularly short one. We have only had two days to get started. Still, i said I would update weekly and decided that it might b easiest to make it a scheduled type thing and what better day to do that than Saturday?

The first thing that I did was I donated to hurricane Sandy's Relief. I have lots of friends and relatives in the area that was hardest hit and I had one big, long panic attack for about three days straight. Luckily, they are all doing okay after the storm. My sister was without power for a bit but her and her zoo are all faring well. My uncle and his boyfriend are in NYC proper but have been able to hold onto their power and I think have enjoyed their off time.

Still, there are a lot of people that lost everything. People that weren't spared the devesating floods, winds, and firs that Sandy brought along with her. My heart hurts for those people that are having to deal with the aftermath. Of course, I am no money bags and couldn't donate as much as I would have liked but honestly and literally, every little bit helps. Even if you aren't doing the RAK challenge, I urge you to spare your morning coffee money to provide food and shelter for the people and animals displaced.

The second RAK that I did was to hand a lady in Publix a Starbucks gift card. She had 4 kids with her and they were... excited to be out of the house. Yeah, lets just put it that way. I, on the other hand, happened to be having a rare rather nice trip to the store with my boys and just happened to remember that I had that card in my purse. We passed on several of the isles and exchanged the kind of knowing glances that only mothers can give and as I passed her in the produce section at the end of the store, I just handed it to her and said "Happy Friday. I think you need this more than I do this morning.". She smiled weirdly and thanked me as I wandered off.

I hope she got a coffee. I hope I didn't creep her out. I hope it made her day just a little better. Thats the point at least.

Now, its off to a new week of RAK-ing. Have you done somethig kind for a stranger this week? Lets hear it.

Random Acts of Kindness in November

November is almost here. November is a tween month for me. Its one where its time to reflect and take time to be thankful for where my year has taken me since the last one and get geared up for the Christmas crazies. Its when I get to spend time with family that I rarely see 

This year, November is bringing a new challange. In fact, it comes one of the biggest challenges of the 2012 list. The 30 days of Random Acts of Kindness. My friend Nicole turned me on to this last year when she completed the challenge and it sounded like something that would be fun to do with my boys. A little something to get them involved in giving back and taking an active part in bettering other people's lives, even if it was in some tiny, seemingly insignificant way.

The process is simple do 30 random, kind things for 30 people. You can do 30 things in one day or do 1 thing everyday for 30 days. However you do it, the idea is to extend your heart to bless someone's day in an unexpected way.

I have a few ideas of things to do already but some of them I am expecting will just happen. A by the seat of the pants kind of experiment in kindness I guess. I will be doing a weekly post to share what we have done that week. I am hoping to include my boys on the decisions and "acts" as much as possible. To learn to give as much kindness as possible and see the benefits it makes in your heart.


So, if you are up for the challange, join in. Share your RAK story. Or even just share some ideas! Either way, I challenge you to do some good this month. Prepare your heart for the giving season and make it a habit to continually do something kind for someone. There is no way to lose at this.

Nostalgia on #TuneinTuesday

A very good friend of mine started up a new weekly link up called "Tune in Tuesdays". Those of you who have been around awhile remember the Music Mondays days around here and this is the same premise. A song you love to share with the group.

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The summer after this album came out, my sister acquired it on cassette tape. I don't really remember how she got it but she did. Heavens knows our parents would never have allowed us to spend money on it. We spent a week at our Aunt Judy's house that year and we must have listened to this tape at least a million times over. Front to back and again. We sang aloud in Aunt Judy's basement while making up games on her pool table, occasionally taking a break to go lounge in the actual pool or make dirty jokes about the Mr. Bucket game they were advertising non-stop on the television. We bonded that summer in a new way. I was 13 and she had just turned 15. We were both out of that awkward preteen stage (finally) and we were finally back on the same page. It was that bond that would get us through the next several cross country moves together. Its the bond that still keeps us close. Almost twenty years later.

The 47%

My sister and I came from a family that some would consider privileged. We were affluent in the fact that we never wanted for anything. We spent our childhood moving around the country from city to city, state to state as my father changed jobs frequently to make sure we had it all. Eventually, when my parents marriage fell apart, things got a little rougher but at that point, I was of an age where I was able to get a job (or 3) and support myself.

When I married, I married for love. My husband came from a blended family that was much less fortunate than mine but we loved each other greatly. We both spent the first 3 years of our marriage working. Working hard and saving what we could so that when I had our first child, I was able to stay home with him.

To say we struggled financially is an understatement. Between my husband losing job after job for various reasons and the cost of living raising at an alarming rate, along with adding a second child to our household, money was tight. We had no health insurance and very little money for food, but we never turned to government assistance. We struggled along and did the best we could. I continued my part time Nanny job to provide as much extra as I could and he worked two jobs to put food on the table. I suppose it was part pride and part trying to keep our chins up and not give in.

Plus, I had love. Love for him and love for my two young sons. It was important to us that they have a parent at home. Partly because young children need a parent but also because even if I had managed to find a full time job, the cost of childcare is outrageous to the point it was cheaper for me to stay home. That was the thing that saw me through the years of mental and emotional abuse that had become something that, without health insurance, I simply denied myself the luxury of seeking help for. I stuck in and held on with fingernails, trying to fix what was beyond my control.

Then, in February of this year, my beloved husband, the one I had loved and lived for, walked out. He packed his bags and walked away from our two beautiful young boys and his wife of 7 years. Why is something that is between him and God but without him supporting us since then, I have had to rely on bits and pieces of government assistance in order to feed and care for the health of both me and my boys.

Do I regret having to rely on government assistance to keep us safe and healthy?

No. I do not.

In the time he has been gone, things have been hard on us. Hard financially, despite me getting a job, and hard emotionally. Being thrust into single parenthood head over heels was a shock to all of our systems. Both mine and the boys. We had our love for each other. We persevered and I made sure that the boys felt as little of the burn as possible but still, they did have a hard time adjusting to a life where little luxuries had all but disappeared.

Here's the thing though, I am finally getting the help that I was in such desperate need of with regards to my health (which was way worse off than I had ever imagined), my oldest son has been able to undergo therapy and care that has helped him learn to deal with his energy and confusion about our situation, and we have not had the burden of being scared to death to call a doctor if something is wrong.

We have had food on the table where we would have simply gone hungry. We have had shelter we would have otherwise been denied or been able to afford. We are alive and well.

Then there is the statement that I feel entitled to this kind of help.

That's a load of honkey.

For someone to come along and try to make me feel guilty for doing what it took to protect my children is complete and utter bullshit. If I had felt entitled to it we would not have struggled when my husband was still with us. Who knows, it might have even kept him home to have some of that strain relieved. My boys and I would not have waited around to even apply for help for as long as we did.

The truth of the matter here is that sometimes, especially when the economy is in the pit its in and you are thrust into a situation beyond your control, people need help. Someone with as much money as Governor Romney, may not understand what it is like to literally go hungry for days at a time so that your child can eat. I know that feeling because I have lived it in order to fight going on public assistance.

I know what it is like to be denied health insurance for pre-existing conditions and to live every day in unbearable pain from and arthritis or fibromyalgia episode because you can't get the most basic of care. I have the debt to prove that public assistance was not my first choice when my oldest broke his arm or when my heart damn near gave out because of the stress surrounding my situation. Where would that have left my children?

It boils down to this: I think I can speak for most of the rest of the "47%" when I say that a line was crossed. I don't appreciate being lumped in with people who are truly using the system. I don't deny it happens. Heck, I probably know a few people who do. Fact is though, its wrong to accuse people of abusing something without finding out their individual story and what is going on that is causing them to rely on assistance. I'm waiting on my call Mr. Romney.