Bye, Bye Bippy

My babies have always been pacifier babies. From their very first week of life, they loved their pacifiers*. D had his "binkie", K his "bippy".

D always took his bink with a grain of salt. He figured out pretty quick that it meant bed time and he hated bedtime. Still does. It means slowing down and that is just not okay with him. Still, he needed it to get to sleep and help calm him down. From about 3 months on, he only got it at bedtime so as he got older it was not that big of a deal when one day, he just didn't want it anymore. At 16 months, during his bedtime routine, D threw his binkie in the floor and refused to ever touch one again. It made me sad that he was getting too big for it but at the same time, I already knew I was pregnant again so it seemed best for all of us.

K, while much more hesitant at first, took the pacifier love to a whole new level. He loved his bippy. In fact, I am fairly sure he said bippy before he said much else (Bruba was his first word. Of course.). We tried so hard to stick to the only at bedtime routine with him but he has always been... Well, louder than D was. So we would cave and give it to him in public and around the house. He was okay without it but was always ever so happy to see it too. To K, his bippy was his friend. Sometimes, he would just show up with one. We joked that he kept a stash around the house because no sooner than you took one, he had another. He loved his bippy almost as much as he loves his brother but not quite.

So, of course, we started the inevitable "what are we going to do to get this thing away from him" talks probably about a year ago. I have always said a kid should be done with a pacifier no later than 18 months. Well, that milestone sailed right on past and none of showed any signs of wanting to getting rid of it. Me? I was totally okay with that. Call me a sucker if you want but why torture the little guy? I figured I would wait until after Christmas and start to push it more.

Until a week or so ago that is. When we were at the Disney on Ice show, K fell and hit his face, in true clutz style, on the concrete floor. He tripped so hard and so fast, he didn't get to catch himself and fell flat on his little face. He cried, I sobbed. He bled all over me and everything we passed going to the medic and I freaked.

Good news is, he is fine now. He busted the heck out of his top lip, bruised his top gums and one of his front teeth is a little loose (it should firm back up, so I'm told). While he was getting checked out though, my mother and I made eye contact and I uttered one word and we both got nervous. Bippy. There was no way he was going to be able to suck his beloved bippy in that shape. I snuggled my head down on top of his and started crying again.

That night, I went to put my poor, beat up little man to bed and after almost an hour of snuggling and rocking and singing, he said that one word in the saddest, sweetest little voice I have ever heard. Almost a whisper: Bippy. As I fought back the tears again, I told him that bippy would hurt his mouth and he didn't need it tonight. I laid him down in his bed expecting a huge fit but he never made a peep. He rolled over and went straight to sleep for the first time in his life with out his beloved bippy.

I should be happy to say he has stopped asking about it. That he really only asked for it one more time. I should be giddy that it was that easy to convince him he didn't need it. That he has been bippy free for almost two weeks.

But I'm not. I'm so not.

I can't help but feel like I forced him to part with something he wasn't ready to part with. Of course gravity played a pretty big part in that little decision too but after that one night, after the swelling had gone away, he could have taken his bippy with no problem. He asked in his sweet little voice every nap and every night for bippy but I just kept telling him it would hurt until he just stopped asking. Yep, I lied to my my kid. Winning!

I know in the long run that this was probably the least traumatic way to get rid of it for him. Logical toddler is logical I guess. I think the thing for me is I don't like that he is growing up. I've known deep down for a long time he didn't need his bippy to sleep but it was his last little bit of baby left and I was subconsciously determined to hold on to it. Maybe even more than he was.

So here's to growing up. Both K and his mama. I suppose its time even if mama isn't ready. Bye, bye bippy.

*With that admission, most breastfeeding advocates will chastise me saying I should have been putting them to breast instead of giving them a pacifier and with that I usually agree. For me though, we did just fine with it and they definitely never lost any milk because of them.