Changes

About this time every year I get itchy. Fall is my favorite time of the year and even more so now that the boys are around. We always have more fun during the fall than any other time of year. Of course, all the fun starts off with the marathon birthdays and celebrations in September. Tommy turns 30, D turns 4, K turns 2, and our marriage turns 7 all within 9 days in September. As crazy as that is, its also kind of nice. We just party all month. Party and spend way too much money. Justified though considering its onemonth and then we are done for the year.

After that there are all the festivals and apple farms and cooler weather. Of course by cooler weather I mean 80s instead of 100s but hey, I'll take that. We make it a point to do one fun, fall thing every weekend throughout October and November. Its something we all enjoy doing together and we are going to take advantage of it until the kids eventually get to big to want to do these kinds of things. Its all about making memories, right?

I can't forget Halloween either. Oh, Halloween, I look forward to your coming all year long. Its a big thing in our house too. Every year we go all out decorating and baking cookies. This year, I hope will be no exception.

However, yet again, we are facing more changes during the fall months. Again this year, we are moving. Not of our own volition particularly but moving all the same. The reasons we are moving I can't really discuss But suffice it to say this: Our security was irrevocably shaken in our current place by our landlord. Leaving me in a place where I am having nasty nightmares nightly about things I should not even be concerned about. As soon as I am able (legally), I'll give you the whole story. Its a doozy.

The thing is, we don't know exactly when or how. That is the worst part for me. The unknown. We have spent the last week and a half looking at various places and spending hours driving around and around and freaking out and crying and raging against the rental machine. I swear we have looked at a million and two places and none of them just seemed quite right.

There are things I am unwilling to give up except in return for something exceptional in its place. Things like a place for the boys to play outside. I might give that up for a location that allowed us to walk to local to dos like we had in the place before this. We actually looked at a place with an indoor pool and that would be cool. The downside? Its a villa attached to: an apartment building.

In the meantime, I'm struggling. I'm struggling hardcore.

It wasn't supposed to be this way this time.

I shouldn't have allowed this to happen to my kids. We should have stayed in the apartment we were all so happy in before.

My D is not going to adjust well to moving again. He is very much a creature of habit and while we will keep as many things the same as we can, its not all possible. The mommy guilt is the worst.

I know it will all work out. I do. For now though, I just need to get myself up out of this funk and get packed and moving. I have to be able to pull myself up by the bootstraps and protect my family. I am sad it has come to this but hopefully it will all be for the best. Right?